A casual friend of mine called me half an hour before I was leaving work to ask me to meet her friend because he has a big event this Saturday and he hates the desserts he has pre-ordered months ago. (That should have peaked my suspicion immediately, but I'm gullible.) She said she gave him my website and he was "enchanted" with my work. Well, hell! How could I not fall for that? I think everyone should be enchanted with my work. =P
I was actually supposed to have a girl's date night with my buddy Vanessa who is leaving NY this weekend. She got an awesome gig at a radio station in Buffalo. We had pizza and Max Brenner all lined up for our evening, but her car was towed earlier today, and she had to bail on me as she waited for some cash to be wired to her so that her chariot would be freed. I figured the timing was perfect. I just cancelled my plans, and then this opportunity came up for some potential work. I figured I could start tonight and still have plenty of time to get my other orders done this weekend, AND maybe it would pay enough to bump up my airbrush set to the $100 model!
I headed to a bar on Union Square and found this person immediately. How did I know this was not what I thought it was going to be? This "business meeting" came complete with a bouquet of hyacinths, a little gift bag of Godiva, and a Tanqueray & cranberry cocktail waiting for me. Fuck. I just got duped into a blind date. >=[
Not that I don't appreciate the gesture. I guess my friend thinks my lady bits have gone for far too long without the proper attention. For the record, my lady bits are doing just fine. I know some people look at me and see the reckless, partying, constantly semi-drunk and affection-hungry girl I was three years ago. I can't help the image I may have burned of myself in people's minds. I was going a million miles an hour back in those days, and I eventually crashed. No one has really seen what I look like now that I've been piecing shit back together.
It's not untrue to say that life is a little nicer having someone to end the day with every night, but I've reached this place where it's not necessary. It's kind of like saying that life would be awesome if I had a billion dollars, but I'm not going to drop dead if I never get there. I've survived far worse than the single life. As much as I appreciate my friend's concern, I don't need anyone playing Cupid for me.
I can get over the blind date farce, but I don't like my business being used to bait me. I've been going balls to the wall with how much effort, time, and money I've been concentrating on my business. It's been paying off and the sacrifices I've made to get it here have all been well worth it. Even with the hands helping me here and there, the bulk of the work has been on me and I've come through- for no one except myself.
I don't see myself as a pathetic sap. I mean, I know I'm a little hard on myself and I set crazy-high goals and go nuts when I fall short, but I know I'm much better off than most people out there. I'm fairly self-sufficient, I've got a pretty level head on my shoulders, I'm generous to a fault, and I work my ass off. At least I didn't spend a ton of money and years in college and come out with a piece of paper and NO marketable skills AT ALL. (I won't name names. It's too easy and it's too bitchy. I'm not that girl.) So, as much as I beat myself up over some of my low-points, the last thing I want is for someone to look at me, feel sorry for me, and then try to "help" me find happiness. Shit, you may as well kick me in the face if you're going to do all that!
I understand that tonight was planned with the best of intentions, but
- I don't like PINK hyacinths
- I don't like dark chocolate or nuts in my Godiva.
- I haven't had Tangeray in over two years.
He didn't answer me right away. With a straight face he finally said, "You look great for a 32 year old! I think you can charge a lot more than that!"
So, the evening ended with a laugh and no hard feelings. Holy fuck! My friend lies to me, dangles a potential order in front of me, and then tricks me into a date I was not expecting. And I STILL feel obliged to be polite and kind. Someone put me out of my pathetic-ness. =( Or at least reach into my head and short-circuit the etiquette chip that always seems to be going off at all the wrong moments.
Bottom line: don't fuck around with my business. It's my baby; not a tool to use to bait me. Right now, thing are going fantastically for Queenie Cakes. Chef Queenie can put everything else on the back burner if it means the goal is getting closer everyday. Some people just can't have everything. I'm okay if I can have this one thing. I don't think it's much to ask for.