Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Get Out of RUDE Free

A few years ago, after a particularly prickly exchange, an ex sent me a caricature he drew of me. It was a side view of me with my nose up in the air holding and oversize Monopoly "Get Out of Rude Free" card. (A play on the "Get Out of Jail Free" card from the game- for those of you who don't understand the reference.) It was after a tense, heated argument about one of the millions of things we argued about and he disagreed with the way I ended the conversation. I probably said something snarky and then signed off the IM or turned off my phone. Either way, I was being rude.

Rather than continue arguing about how nasty I was and how poorly I handled the exchange, he expressed himself the best way he knew how- with a drawing. I was so taken aback, I even put it up on Social Network Unnamed. The reaction was mixed. Some people thought it was awesome and hilarious. (It was.) Other people thought it was rude of him and I should be angry about the way he went about getting his point across- passive aggressive and rather rude himself.

The way I react to things and the hair-line trigger my temper was often set on actually took his gesture in stride. I would rather have someone tell me to my face how rude they think I am (even with a picture), rather than have them passive-aggressively stick it to me by hanging out with ex-lovers behind my back. (Which also happened.) Frankly, I was all for the picture approach, given the three options:
  • A.) Fight until one of us throws down the "I'm DONE! This is OVER!" (Guilty! Not good times.)
  • B.) End the fight amicably and get back at the other by doing something that person wouldn't be ok with.(Hence, the contact with the ex-lovers.)
  • C.) Find a less volatile way of expressing our thoughts or feelings. (The picture.)

I once drew on Microsoft Paint a stick figure of myself hitting a brick wall--with purple Converse and a spilled can of Coke to symbolize how frustrated I felt dealing with whatever issue we were trying to unsuccessfully hash out. He chuckled at my poor attempt at art therapy and we had a pretty decent conversation resolving the problem at the time.

I was thinking about all this last night, as I tried to get to sleep, and this morning when I opened my eyes and saw that I was late once again. Is it ever okay for anyone to pull out the "Get Out of Rude Free" card?

My timeshare points were about to expire again, and rather than let the corporate wheel run over my hard earned money, I booked a two bedroom deluxe suite in Atlantic City this past weekend. I did this months ago, and the first invite went to my friend "J". He said he would go. I threw out a handful of other invites to people who I've promised to party with in AC, leaving out those who I knew didn't have the cash for this kind of weekend.

A few of my girlfriends who know of J were not happy about his invite. Why not make this a girl's weekend, they asked? He had been rude to a couple of them in the past and another bunch of them had boyfriends or husbands who would not be cool with another dude sleeping in the same unit. I tried to explain that his underage girlfriend would not be coming, but he was not the cheating type and they were safe. Think of him as our gay buddy, I tried to joke, but at the end of the day, only a couple of other girls were willing to go.

To make a long story short, I didn't hear from him all week and when I texted him to ask what time he would be getting to AC, he teetered back and forth between Friday night and Saturday (in case he was too tired to drive after work.) I told him who else would be driving down Saturday and maybe he should hook up with them to save on gas and tolls. He didn't reply. I already had a sneaking suspicion this fucker was going to flake on me, and I wasn't wrong. Friday rolled around and I was in my 2 bedroom suite, soaking in my pink bubble bath in the jacuzzi when I asked him again what time he would be arriving. He said it depended on his girl.The only reason he wouldn't go, at this point, was because of her.

Let me point a few things out. While his girl is old enough to vote and fuck legally, she is not old enough to do all the other fun things adults like to do. And that's on him for dating a child. When I first threw out the invite, I did politely say he was welcome to invite her, and he said she wouldn't go because she can't get into any of the casinos or the clubs or the bars. But, she had insisted that he should go and have fun. That's why I had no doubt in my mind that this son of a bitch was going to show up- ESPECIALLY after I told a bunch of my girls to fuck off when they asked if he could be left out of this weekend.

Friday afternoon, I get a text which validated my suspicions. He was too tired. But, enjoy my weekend, he cheerfully ended with.

I was heated. I decided not to reply. I've learned a long time ago that me texting in the midst of a rage is NOT a good combination. He tried to continue playing Song Pop with me, and I promptly deleted our game. He attempted to throw up some comments on my statuses on Social Network Unnamed. I ignored him.

I know he's too dense sometimes to see what is obviously in front of him, but I wasn't about to start a war from Atlantic City. He just isn't worth the effort. My other friend (actually a mutual friend of ours) showed up and I gave her the rundown. She agreed with me, but I saw that she felt weird going against her obvious loyalty to J. It wasn't a big deal and we all had a great time while we were out there.

While on vacation, I get an urgent email forwarded to me from my mother from a co-worker of my father who is desperate to hire me to make her wedding cupcakes. For this coming Friday. Ok, now who the hell gets married without securing the cake months ahead of time? She asked for a price quote, and from my groggy hungover state, I sent her my quote. She wrote back how the payment structure was? What the hell did that mean? I told her since she was a co-worker of my father's, I would accept payment on delivery and not ask for a deposit. She responded if I was willing to wait till next Tuesday for the payment.

This woman was not particularly nice. In fact, she was basically asking me for a credit terms not ever having done business with her before. I was still prickly about J bailing out and effectively fucking up the weekend I had in mind, which could have happened if I un-invited him and brought out my girls instead. I wanted to reply with a "Get the fuck outta here" to this woman, but I stopped, took a hot pink champagne LUSH bath and calmed down.

Okay. She's getting married. Either she is doing so with a really small budget and has overextended herself, or something happened to her cake. It doesn't matter. She's getting married and she doesn't have a cake and her wedding is on Friday. That sucks. She is probably hoping to pay me with wedding gift money. Okay, I've been there, myself. Low on fund but high on everyone's invite list. I felt for her. So, I agreed.

Could she have kissed my ass a little more for doing her this solid? Could she have been nicer? Yeah. Indeed, she could have. However, I can only imagine the stress she's going through trying to pull off a wedding she probably doesn't have the money for. In the grand scheme of things, 156 cupcakes isn't a huge dent in my wallet. I can float the cost until she pays me, and a wedding is always a hotbed for potential clients. I will come out on top at the end of the day. I can deal with a little Bridal Rudeness in the meantime.

My mutual friend came by last night to pick up a cake from me and she mentioned she had a talk with J. He pointed out that everyone who is in a relationship needs to make their significant other their priority. He decided to make his girl his priority this past weekend, and he's not making any apologies for it. She was hinting that she understood where he was coming from since she was having an issue with her boyfriend not making her his priority. And I do believe J threw it out there that I, of all people, should understand since I was in a similar predicament myself once upon a time.

I tried not to blow my top, standing outside of my house, holding a turntable cake. I smiled and patiently told her that if he didn't want to go and leave his child bride behind, I could understand that. But, he should have had the balls to tell me that weeks ago, and not at the 11th hour, when it was too late to get other people to take his miserable place.

Our annual Fire Island trip is this Saturday, and I had to fight every fiber of my being from sending my cancellation RSVP to everyone involved. As tempted as I was at doing that, I remembered that I would be the ultimate hypocrite for bailing out last minute just to spite this fucker. And it's my friend's birthday, probably the last one in NY since she will be moving to FL soon. It would make me the biggest asshole for doing something like that.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Your word is only as good as your last broken promise.

People who do not value their integrity have no place in my world. With my time being a lot more limited and my money a lot less available; have I made the right choices giving this person president over others? As much fun as we have together doing normal mundane things like hitting Target or our Midnight Diner Run or some awesome concert- I don't think it's too much to expect a little respect when it comes to situations like this. I didn't ask him to choose between me and his girl. I have been nothing but nice to the youngster. I do take exception to being lied to and lead on when he had no intention on following through with his promise.

That's not cool.

Am I overreacting? I seem to think everyone around me thinks I am. It's hard to see the situation when you're right there ensconced in it, but I think the law is on my side with this one. Thoughts?


  1. Oh, nice of you to come back...what's up with the lockdown?

    I'm not gonna spit out everything I think about this person because I've already done it and you didn't listen and you probably won't listen now.

    He's getting back at you now for the time when he was your backup friend every time your bf ditched you to hang out with his side-bitches. Your midnight diner things, your Target trips, you only did those things with him when your own man didn't have time for you or you two were fighting. J knew this but he was so in love with you he probably would've taken ANY attention you were willing to give him.

    Now that he has a girl, you're his backup bitch. When she ditches him or doesn't have time for him, he knows he's gonna call you and you're gonna always say yes because you're not in a steady relationship and you probably miss his company now that he isn't available 24/7.

    I call this passive aggressive WHO'S THE BACKUP NOW, BITCH?!?!?!?!?!

    As for fairy island, if you're gonna be a complete bitch the entire time, rolling your eyes at the friends who you're pretty much fed up with, then don't go. It's her birthday and she doesn't need you copping a rude-tude and ruining her day.

    Seems to me you're done with those NY people and you're done with them treating you like a back up bitch all the time. I know you wanna bail, but you can't until you tie up your loose ends. If you spend less money hanging out with these losers, you can pay your bills off faster and skip town.

    I don't know if you're overreacting. I think this dude thinks he's got a golden ticker right now because he has a girlfriend and he;s making his old flame wait on the back burner until he's good and ready for her. That would be YOU, in case that wasn't clear. Is he a good friend to you? I can't answer that. I don't know him personally, but I know he was there for you when you needed someone flesh and blood to pull you out of your funk. And I'm greatful to him for that because I know I couldn't be there.

    Other than that it's up to you whether or not you think your friendship is worth throwing out the grudge. And lets not get it twisted- You are holding a grudge, missy.

    1. Dude, you have no idea. Besides the lone stalker and his sidekick DNA life partner, I seemed to have picked up some new stalkers out on Long Island. Go figure. Between you and me, I don't think I'm writing about anything all that titillating. Anyway, you know how you never put the Club on your car everyday except when you're parking it somewhere sketchy for a long period of time? Same concept.

      I don't think it's pay back for those days. We've spent enough time doing the silent treatment thing to one another to flush that out of our systems. And to be fair, he was guilty of a few things to warrant that whole period of separation. I think he's just being a selfish prick. I understand someone wanting to not leave his girlfriend out of all the fun. If that's the case, he should have told me from the start that she wasn't cool with him going. Then, I could make alternate plans with different people. I don't like being deceived, and I HATE being flat out lied to. Nothing pisses me off more than catching someone in a lie. It fucking irks me to my very center. And I don't easily forgive that kind of thing, if ever.

      I know what you're saying about my attitude, and I'm not disputing it. I'm going because she's been texting me all day to make sure I'm going, and on top of all that a bunch of our old friends from school are all sort of tailing me this time.

      I'm feeling really anti-social, and I don't feel like playing tour guide / entertainment to a bunch of people who may or may not have a good time. And I'm going to spend the better part of the day avoiding this prick so that I don't bite his head off in front of everyone. And on top of all that, I don't want to babysit.

      Fuck. Seriously, parts of me hope I fall down the stairs and break my neck Friday night just so I don't have to deal with this bullshit Saturday morning.

      Yes, I'm being dramatic. And, no, I'm not his old flame. I know I'm holding a grudge. I'm really good at that.

  2. Where's the picture he drew of you? Can't you put it up?

    I think J has been rude on more than one occasion. You're quick to come to his defense, but think about how many times the only reason he was invited to something was only because of you. Maybe a little part of him inside still knows this.

    Let's leave the age of his SO out of this. Who are we to judge what age people need to be in order to be in love? Are you resentful of his new girl? It sounds like you are a little bit.

    You're supposed to be all zen and stuff now. You're not sounding very zen at the moment. I applaud you for doing the wedding anyway. She sounds really desperate and I'm sure she'll thank you properly when it's all over. Even if she doesn't you know you did the right thing. Just feel good about that.

    So if you're cutting him out of your life again, what's gonna happen to your other blog with him?

    1. The picture was on the social network, but to be honest with you, I don't know if I was the one who put it up or him. Either way, it's not there anymore. It was one of the files that got massacred when my Lacie drive "Coke Can" kicked the bucket. I thought I saved it before the final death rattle, but it must've gone down with the business graphics he did for me before we broke up. I don't have any ill feelings about the picture. Actually, I thought it was really clever and it made me slow down and really think about my reactions and how it was effecting him. I wish I still had it, but then again, you slip into that weird territory of whether or not I actually have permission to post it. It's his art, not mine.

      J's rude to a lot of my friends. In his defense, he hears me do a lot of bitching about them, and he has his own reasons. But, when he has it in his head that the sky is purple, then he will cut your throat unless you agree with him. But, he'll do it passive-aggressively.

      I don't care who he dates or how old she is. I'm not here to save the world. If you ask me what I think about her, I think she's a very nice girl. But, that's just it- she is a GIRL. Not a woman. Not an adult. She acts exactly like a 19 year old girl. And even though he's my age, I can't say his maturity level is that much higher than hers, so maybe in the grand scheme of things, he found the perfect scenario for himself. I don't appreciate his little Spring/Winter relationship fucking up my plans. I don't think it's too much to ask for someone to be straight forward and just say "my child bride is going to throw a tantrum if I go on this trip, so it's better if I sit this one out. Have fun."

      He waited till the last minute to say anything to me because he knew I was going to be pissed that he didn't have the balls to follow through on his commitment.


      The wedding thing is fine. You do good, you feel good. And since I was feeling so rotten about the whole thing, I needed to do something unselfish to wash the taste of rage out of my mouth. And I know I'm going to benefit from the wedding so it's not completely selfless.

      I don't know if I'm at the point of cutting him out just yet. It seems a pretty petty issue to call for a complete cutting out. However, I'm pissed enough not to let it go. I'm just not sure how I want to proceed going forward.

      With that other blog, it's hard to steer it where I wanted it to go. We agreed to do it with a very specific format in mind. I mostly did it to loosen up his communication skills and to help expose his awesome knowledge of music out into the interwebs, hopefully opening new doors for him that he was too scared to even knock on in the past. But, he doesn't listen. I told him the way he's putting up pictures isn't taking and he needs to upload them properly. Did he listen? No. I told him we need to write about a wide scope of topics and we need to do it frequently or on a scheduled basis to keep the blog fresh. What did he do? Put up stuff without waiting for me. I told him we needed to write about things relevant to a bigger audience so we don't alienate people who stumble in. He keeps focusing on the same thing and fights me when I give him assignments. I made him read 50 Shades so we could do a He/She discussion. The fucker just skimmed the book. I'm tired. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

      And honestly, the more I think about him, the angrier I am getting myself. Frankly, he isn't worth the heart attack.

    2. It doesn't sound like you're done with him. It just sounds like you're pissed. Give it a couple of days and you'll probably calm down. Maybe you'll feel better by Saturday. Just focus on the wedding. Like you said, you're not here to save the world so let him sink or swim. You have enough to worry about without adding more.

    3. I'm not worried about him. I'm angry at him. And I hate being lied to. That trumps everything else.

      Oh, and get this shit. He sent me a text today- "Hey buddy. I haven't seen you in a minute. How about we do what we've been talking about and get some dim sum on Sunday after fi?"

      See???? This jackass thinks all is right in the world. I'm just gonna end this drama and say that you can't find logic in the illogical. I've said on more than one occasion that you can have an argument with a child when you're a full-grown functioning adult. This is the 2nd full grown adult I've encountered who functions through life like a large child. And it floors me that these people all roam within the same circle. I'm not going to argue with a toddler. I'm not going to waste time arguing with large children.

      So, yeah. I'm gonna wooosaaa it away.

    4. I think you meant you *CAN'T* argue with a toddler when you're a grown ass woman. lol

      You just need to get out of NY and make some new friends.

      and Josh- that was really nice what you wrote about kat being pretty on her spa post. I was gonna comment there but I'm being lazy. anyway, hi5 to you bug guy for such a nice compliment.

  3. I think you meant *big guy, not bug guy. lol

    And yes I meant "can't". And yes I feel better today. But, no I'm not ready to let it go. This fucker is still commenting on my various forms of internet media like we're all cool.

    Do you think he's in denial or that if he keeps pretending like he doesn't notice I'm angry that I won't be angry anymore?

    1. I think your spending too much time dwelling on this. I think he's going to treat his 'child bride' as you like calling her, as his princess because he can't have his queen(ie). One day he may even get to swipe his V card but in his head he'll always think about you. How's that for a visual? The guy had it bad for you and now that he's got a girl he can't let anything happen to that relationship because its his proverbial 'beard' to make it ok to hang out with you in a non-threatening way. Be angry all you want but eventually you'll let it go and he's going to pretend nothing was ever wrong. par for the course, right?

      What you need to wonder about is why stalker and his Game of Thrones the-love-we-dare-not-speak-of sidekick have spread the obsession out onto the Island. It's been years. Haven't they replaced their favorite sport of Kat Hating with something else to rag on? Too much inbreeding in that bunch if you ask me.

      I demand you write something new! TODAY!! NOW!! You're going to be working on the wedding tonight and it'll be days till your mind will be clear enough to crank something out. I'm still waiting on Seattle Day 2.

    2. Re: "The Love We Dare Not Speak Of"

      Again, you're trying to find logic in the illogical. Inbreeding- pls be nice.

      Ok, enough about this. Let's move on. If they want to read about my boring ass life, I'd just tell them to read Kevin Smith's book. His "Boring Ass Life" is actually pretty damn entertaining despite the title. Mine is actually really boring.

  4. I know who you mean. That's pretty rude of him to bail last minute. Now the Social Network Unnamed post makes total sense.

    Well, it turns out that i am going to the birthday soiree Saturday after all. Sorry, but Fire Island was just too rich for my blood. But Point Lookout is way more affordable. Plus, it's a birthday party for someone who, like you said, may not even be here next year when her birthday rolls around.

    Bummer, dude! Two of the people I'm closest two, girl-wise, are both planning on leaving the area! Waaah! What will I do without you?!?

    1. I'm pretty easy to find. ;-) I hope the Satuday soiree was enjoyable. It sounds like you had a good time. I couldn't ditch my other friends just because Jen decided she wanted to change the venue yet again at the last minute. It's one thing to want to be there for a friends, but it's a totally other thing to ditch everyone else because of it. I gave my word to these other people that I would be at Fire Island and to cancel that because of Jen and this fight wouldn't been hypocritical of me and rude. You know me, once I give my word, I'm pretty stubborn about keeping it.

  5. I totally understand. How was Fire Island? Wish we could have met up with each other. I hope you had fun too, and J wasn't a no-show.

    We will talk more soon. Hope you're having a good week!

    1. Hey, I just put up a comment that came up as my friend Josh with his avatar and everything. Vanessa, have you been having problems with the comments? Because I just had a HUGE blowup with my friend Mike because I got a comment on my Egg post from him that was really ffucked up and he said he didn't put it up there. And seeing that it just happened to me, I feel like a complete tool right now because I have to go apologize to him. If it's a blogger issue, let me know. Because I want to disable the comments if it keeps happening.

      Basically, I wrote that we hashed it out and I'm trying not to be mean to his girl because she's a very nice girl who happens to be dating a knucklehead.

      I have to go check my other posts now and kiss Mike's ass. I'm sorry I didn't believe you, Mike!!