Rather than continue arguing about how nasty I was and how poorly I handled the exchange, he expressed himself the best way he knew how- with a drawing. I was so taken aback, I even put it up on Social Network Unnamed. The reaction was mixed. Some people thought it was awesome and hilarious. (It was.) Other people thought it was rude of him and I should be angry about the way he went about getting his point across- passive aggressive and rather rude himself.
The way I react to things and the hair-line trigger my temper was often set on actually took his gesture in stride. I would rather have someone tell me to my face how rude they think I am (even with a picture), rather than have them passive-aggressively stick it to me by hanging out with ex-lovers behind my back. (Which also happened.) Frankly, I was all for the picture approach, given the three options:
- A.) Fight until one of us throws down the "I'm DONE! This is OVER!" (Guilty! Not good times.)
- B.) End the fight amicably and get back at the other by doing something that person wouldn't be ok with.(Hence, the contact with the ex-lovers.)
- C.) Find a less volatile way of expressing our thoughts or feelings. (The picture.)
I once drew on Microsoft Paint a stick figure of myself hitting a brick wall--with purple Converse and a spilled can of Coke to symbolize how frustrated I felt dealing with whatever issue we were trying to unsuccessfully hash out. He chuckled at my poor attempt at art therapy and we had a pretty decent conversation resolving the problem at the time.
I was thinking about all this last night, as I tried to get to sleep, and this morning when I opened my eyes and saw that I was late once again. Is it ever okay for anyone to pull out the "Get Out of Rude Free" card?
My timeshare points were about to expire again, and rather than let the corporate wheel run over my hard earned money, I booked a two bedroom deluxe suite in Atlantic City this past weekend. I did this months ago, and the first invite went to my friend "J". He said he would go. I threw out a handful of other invites to people who I've promised to party with in AC, leaving out those who I knew didn't have the cash for this kind of weekend.
A few of my girlfriends who know of J were not happy about his invite. Why not make this a girl's weekend, they asked? He had been rude to a couple of them in the past and another bunch of them had boyfriends or husbands who would not be cool with another dude sleeping in the same unit. I tried to explain that his underage girlfriend would not be coming, but he was not the cheating type and they were safe. Think of him as our gay buddy, I tried to joke, but at the end of the day, only a couple of other girls were willing to go.
To make a long story short, I didn't hear from him all week and when I texted him to ask what time he would be getting to AC, he teetered back and forth between Friday night and Saturday (in case he was too tired to drive after work.) I told him who else would be driving down Saturday and maybe he should hook up with them to save on gas and tolls. He didn't reply. I already had a sneaking suspicion this fucker was going to flake on me, and I wasn't wrong. Friday rolled around and I was in my 2 bedroom suite, soaking in my pink bubble bath in the jacuzzi when I asked him again what time he would be arriving. He said it depended on his girl.The only reason he wouldn't go, at this point, was because of her.
Let me point a few things out. While his girl is old enough to vote and fuck legally, she is not old enough to do all the other fun things adults like to do. And that's on him for dating a child. When I first threw out the invite, I did politely say he was welcome to invite her, and he said she wouldn't go because she can't get into any of the casinos or the clubs or the bars. But, she had insisted that he should go and have fun. That's why I had no doubt in my mind that this son of a bitch was going to show up- ESPECIALLY after I told a bunch of my girls to fuck off when they asked if he could be left out of this weekend.
Friday afternoon, I get a text which validated my suspicions. He was too tired. But, enjoy my weekend, he cheerfully ended with.
I was heated. I decided not to reply. I've learned a long time ago that me texting in the midst of a rage is NOT a good combination. He tried to continue playing Song Pop with me, and I promptly deleted our game. He attempted to throw up some comments on my statuses on Social Network Unnamed. I ignored him.
I know he's too dense sometimes to see what is obviously in front of him, but I wasn't about to start a war from Atlantic City. He just isn't worth the effort. My other friend (actually a mutual friend of ours) showed up and I gave her the rundown. She agreed with me, but I saw that she felt weird going against her obvious loyalty to J. It wasn't a big deal and we all had a great time while we were out there.
While on vacation, I get an urgent email forwarded to me from my mother from a co-worker of my father who is desperate to hire me to make her wedding cupcakes. For this coming Friday. Ok, now who the hell gets married without securing the cake months ahead of time? She asked for a price quote, and from my groggy hungover state, I sent her my quote. She wrote back how the payment structure was? What the hell did that mean? I told her since she was a co-worker of my father's, I would accept payment on delivery and not ask for a deposit. She responded if I was willing to wait till next Tuesday for the payment.
This woman was not particularly nice. In fact, she was basically asking me for a credit terms not ever having done business with her before. I was still prickly about J bailing out and effectively fucking up the weekend I had in mind, which could have happened if I un-invited him and brought out my girls instead. I wanted to reply with a "Get the fuck outta here" to this woman, but I stopped, took a hot pink champagne LUSH bath and calmed down.
Okay. She's getting married. Either she is doing so with a really small budget and has overextended herself, or something happened to her cake. It doesn't matter. She's getting married and she doesn't have a cake and her wedding is on Friday. That sucks. She is probably hoping to pay me with wedding gift money. Okay, I've been there, myself. Low on fund but high on everyone's invite list. I felt for her. So, I agreed.
Could she have kissed my ass a little more for doing her this solid? Could she have been nicer? Yeah. Indeed, she could have. However, I can only imagine the stress she's going through trying to pull off a wedding she probably doesn't have the money for. In the grand scheme of things, 156 cupcakes isn't a huge dent in my wallet. I can float the cost until she pays me, and a wedding is always a hotbed for potential clients. I will come out on top at the end of the day. I can deal with a little Bridal Rudeness in the meantime.
My mutual friend came by last night to pick up a cake from me and she mentioned she had a talk with J. He pointed out that everyone who is in a relationship needs to make their significant other their priority. He decided to make his girl his priority this past weekend, and he's not making any apologies for it. She was hinting that she understood where he was coming from since she was having an issue with her boyfriend not making her his priority. And I do believe J threw it out there that I, of all people, should understand since I was in a similar predicament myself once upon a time.
I tried not to blow my top, standing outside of my house, holding a turntable cake. I smiled and patiently told her that if he didn't want to go and leave his child bride behind, I could understand that. But, he should have had the balls to tell me that weeks ago, and not at the 11th hour, when it was too late to get other people to take his miserable place.
Our annual Fire Island trip is this Saturday, and I had to fight every fiber of my being from sending my cancellation RSVP to everyone involved. As tempted as I was at doing that, I remembered that I would be the ultimate hypocrite for bailing out last minute just to spite this fucker. And it's my friend's birthday, probably the last one in NY since she will be moving to FL soon. It would make me the biggest asshole for doing something like that.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Your word is only as good as your last broken promise.
People who do not value their integrity have no place in my world. With my time being a lot more limited and my money a lot less available; have I made the right choices giving this person president over others? As much fun as we have together doing normal mundane things like hitting Target or our Midnight Diner Run or some awesome concert- I don't think it's too much to expect a little respect when it comes to situations like this. I didn't ask him to choose between me and his girl. I have been nothing but nice to the youngster. I do take exception to being lied to and lead on when he had no intention on following through with his promise.
That's not cool.
Am I overreacting? I seem to think everyone around me thinks I am. It's hard to see the situation when you're right there ensconced in it, but I think the law is on my side with this one. Thoughts?