So, I'm cleaning the Hoard (the term I've affectionately given my room) yesterday. I was making headway. I actually hit carpet and hardwood once three full garbage bags were tied up and taken away. Imagine that??? Admittedly, I threw out a lot of things I thought I wanted to hold onto, but in retrospect, I can admit that I have been a prisoner to my possessions.
Anyway, as I'm feeling good about clearing out junk and making my living space look less and less like the homes in Hoarders, I got a phone call out of the blue from K. I have not heard from K in months, and I was beginning to think I was just another one of those hidden pints of Ben and Jerry's that people keep in the back of the freezer to pull out in times of need. In other words, I felt used.
The conversation was pleasant enough as we filled each other in one what we had been up to the last 60 days or so. Suddenly, it took a hard turn left. He informed me he finally met a person whom I don't really see anymore. This story would flow so much easier if I could just use real names, code names, or say how this person relates to me. However, since realizing that I'm A LOT more public than I originally thought I was, I've been determined to bring it in a little to protect those people- whether or not they deserve the courtesy.
Anyway, K goes on to tell me that he met this person at a beirgarten during a get-together that everyone else was invited to.....except for me. He asked why I wasn't there, and if I could say who this person is then it would make a million times more sense why he assumed I would be there, but like I said- I'm not doing the name thing anymore.
"I guess they didn't want me there."
"That's weird. I thought you all were close."
"Maybe things changed. Oh, well."
I played it off like it didn't matter, but in truth I was a little hurt. I mean, I thought I always brought my A-game to the beirgareten; you know, ever since I learned how to drink REAL beer. I thought I was fun company, except for that one time that I drunkenly made out at the bar with my cousin-in-law's friend from school. (A one time deal only!)
What could I say? Picking up on my tone of ,"Hey, it's cool! Not everyone needs to be invited to everything!", he dropped it only to say quietly a few minutes later, "Maybe you should have a talk with "X". It can't hurt right?"
Maybe it can. I laughed it off and said it didn't matter. This is just how my people roll sometimes and it wasn't bothering me. I did my best to make sure I sounded like it wasn't bothering me. I switched the subject over to exersize, art, and a trip to Colorado next year for ACTUAL snowboard lessons when he got back from Afghanistan. (That's a whole other subject I don't want to get into because it makes my chest hurt.)
Although I was sad that all the plans we tentatively made this winter won't be happening because he's going back overseas, it does give me a year to whip my fat ass back into shape. Why Colorado? He said, in case I'm living on the West Coast, it will be easier to meet up there, and he assured me the snow was better.
It felt good to know someone still thinks I have what it takes to pick up and move. Granted, the me he used to know vs. the me I am now may not be the same person, but does anyone really lose their ability to accomplish shit?
I don't know what it is about me that pisses people off or makes people want to exclude me from stuff that they used to have fun doing with me. Maybe my company was tolerated more than enjoyed back in those days, but who can really say for sure. A lot of the people I used to really enjoy spending time with are either gone or about to go, so maybe it's good all the old ties are being severed.
It makes saying goodbye a lot less difficult.
