Thursday, September 20, 2012


Well, hell! I've been doing it all wrong all this time!!!

What are some of the things you do to add to your misery or overall discontent? Are these bad habits ingrained in us or is it possible to change the knee-jerk reactions we have all come to accept within ourselves?

"Don't promise when you are happy."
This is simple. Ever remember yourself telling someone you were going to love them "forever"? I do! Usually after a 3 hour session of blissfull, sweaty, insanely-passionate DNA swapping. It's easy to want to give someone or promise someone the world when you are content and generally feeling pretty damn good about them. Try promising those same things after catching them in bed with someone else, finding out they just stole $500 from you, or processing that their ex is pregnant with their baby. Still feeling good about making those same promises? Yeah, I didn't think so. Anyway, we all know that kind acts should be KIND ACTIONS, and not just Kind Words. If you really want to do something good because you feel good; then just do it. You shouldn't regret being kind to someone, even if they turn out to be complete assholes at the end of the day. Save the good deed in the Karmic Bank and forget about it. You'll get your comeuppance when the time is right. When you promise something, you're giving your word, and putting your integrity on the line.Your word is only as good as your last broken matter how good the reason is for you to break it.

"Don't reply when you are angry."
Guilty, again! I'm notorious for my quick temper and even quicker pressing of the "reply" button- be it via text or email or voicemail or face-to-face retort. I've had some regrets in my day for letting my hurt and rage reply to someone instead of letting my cooler head prevail. The thing is; usually we are hurt the deepest by those we truly love and sometimes the pain can cause that knee to jerk up higher and harder to bash those fuckers in the balls faster than you can stop yourself. Underneath it all, no one wants to hurt someone they love. And if you think about it, you have all the ammo to do it. It doesn't make it right. I've learned to TRY and walk away when my temper is threatening to unleash Hell. I've destroyed plenty of relationships and obliterated countless bridges with my temper, only to see myself tearfully trying to make an apology for it later on. But, the thing is, even though it was RIGHT for those relationships to end, I didn't need to do it with all the nuclear forces my heart has been hoarding. When you're done eating, you take your dishes to the sink, wash them off, and put them away. You don't smash them into bits and pieces in a violent declaration that "I'M DONE EATING MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!" See the difference? There is a way to handle situations that don't involve telling people what kind of infectious disease you think they are or how you hope their testicles get fried on a live wire in the seat heater of their car. You can THINK it, but why put that poison to paper in the heat of the moment? This is the one I take to heart the hardest- Don't snap back in anger.

"Don't decide when you are sad."
I had to think about this one for a moment. In my case, I've made some of the best decisions while taking a vacation in the pits of depression. I've purged many items, tossing out stupid mementos and keepsakes that were only taking up room and shackling me to my sadness. I think sometimes people do brash things in the midst of emotional turmoil. I've had more than one bad haircut because I was desperate to shed the skin of woe. I guess it means to have your cry, wait it out, and think with a clear head before doing anything too harsh or deciding on any major decisions. When it's all over, you don't want to have a house full of junk, an empty bank account, and a wallet full of maxed out credit cards- all because you tried to buy your sadness away. Or maybe they mean that in the midst of sadness, one can be fairly apathetic to anything. "What do you want to eat today?" I don't care. "What colors should we paint the rooms?" Whatever. "Do you want to move to Jersey or Canada?" Doesn't matter. You decide. I guess I've fallen into this rut, too. All in all, I think this part just means to not let your depression route your map for you. That's the best I can do with that one.

One of my favorite sayings when I read something I need to apply to my own life is: "I should have that tattooed on me somewhere."

If that's the case, I'd have a body full of tattooed post-it notes!


  1. Actually I think you've gotten a better handle on your temper the last couple of years. I know which button to push to send you over the edge, but in general you haven't been going nuclear on anyone the way you used to. Get this- is it because you're handling yourself better or because you've disassociated yourself from people who pushed your buttons all the time?

    I don't think people change. We have our reflex reactions because they're ingrained within our survival skills, the undercurrent running through our subconscious. Acting out spontaneously is something we can control, but our first gut instinct will always be to go postal on these people who cross the imaginary line. If you're constantly having to hold yourself back from getting angry at someone- maybe you shouldn't be around them because I can guarantee that for every ONE person you're always fighting with, there will be a hundred people who won't get on your nerves EVER.

    Dig this- you can make a chimp a funny, loving, child-like pet for years and years, but that chimp will always have the capability and the instinct to rip your balls and face off. If you're asking if a selfish, stubborn, narcissistic momma's boy will suddenly wake up and be a thoughtful, considerate, generous lover---honey, you know as well as I do that shit ain't happening. You can dress yourself up, put on 6 inch heels and the tightest dress you own to dazzle the world for a few hours, but eventually the shoes will start to hurt, the dress will start to ride up and the makeups gonna smear.

    It's not like you haven't been through this. People DO NOT change. We can control our actions so that our emotions don't get the better of us, but underneath the facade is the same person right down to the core. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE!!!

  2. Also, I know this sounded like I'm being a cynical hardass bastard who won't cut you a break, but I'm really not ragging on you. I think you're a really beautiful person to the core (and I don't think that's ever gonna change.)That's why I think it's pathetic that you've chosen so poorly when it came to picking partners. You don't have to save the world. Let the assholes breed with all the other assholes, eventually the gene dies out.

    1. Hmm....I was reading this, thinking to myself "Is this fucker telling me I'm a cranky bitch and I'm never going to change?"

      I still don't know if that's what you meant, but I do get the parts about people not changing. If someone is a certain way, and it's in their bones, that shit isn't going anywhere. And when people like that have other people surrounding them that reinforce those negative traits...well, you know how it goes.

      And I know what you're trying to say, and I'm gonna remind you that you're toeing the line again about what I told you to stop talking about, so back up about 5 steps and you and I will be ok. ;-)

      I know all about knee-jerk reactions, but I think the greatest power someone can have is the ability to control themselves in ANY situation no matter what. I'm still working on that super power.

  3. I'm disagreeing. If people see that their actions are hurting their loved ones, I think they can change. If their reason is strong enough. How do you explain recovering addicts or alcoholics? I'm not saying its easy to change, but it's possible if the person is really willing to put the work into it. If they don't think anything is wrong with them and you're strong arming them into changing, then, No, that isn't gonna take.

  4. I agree with Josh. I look back on my own life and realized that I've changed a lot myself. I do think it's easier to change though, if the person is open to it. But that's just my observation. ;)

    1. Both completely valid points. I think the willingness to change and the ability to change first starts with the acknowledgement that something NEEDS to change. Most people resist this first step, so the other two never fall into place. They give the illusion of change, but it really isn't happening. So, I guess everyone makes a rally valid point.

      It's like apologizing to someone just to end the argument rather than really believing that you did anything to apologize about.