Work or Work

Against better judgment and common sense, I took off from my day job yesterday so I could work on my cakes. I also wasn't feeling very well. Not sleeping for more than an hour at a time and troubled, at that, eventually caught up to me. I was awake at 5:30. I showered. I had my work clothes ready. I would even get to work early. But, I just didn't want to go in.

I was so damn tired. Bone tired. Not for any good reason, either. I've been too fatigued to get to the gym at all this week, despite my best intentions to go. I haven't had any overly hard cake orders before yesterday. I haven't even had much running around to do. I've been chugging down nutrient-rich liquids since last Friday, trying to replenish some of the red cells I've given up. I'm following doctor's orders to a tee, keeping away from "bad habits' (not that I have a habit- just a taste), and trying to get to bed early to rest. However, sleep evades me- still.

After dutifully leaving the expected, groggy, "I'm not feeling well, and I won't be in today" phone calls, I rolled over and slept. For a few hours. When I woke up, I felt a lot more rested. I got dressed, mixed up several batches and flavors of cake, slid them into my oven, then went to prepare myself a lunch fit for a Queen.

Seared duck breast, pan fried till I've melted all the fat under the skin out of that duck so that the meat is still medium rare, and the skin is as crunchy as any fine lechon (roast pork shoulder). I take my tournet potatoes that have been sitting in a shallow bowl of rosemary scented olive oil, salt and pepper and quickly start to pan fry them in the rendered duck fat. Oh, yeah. I totally went there. I have not tournet'd a potato in nearly a year! For those of you that don't know, the picture to the right is a tournet potato.  It's fancy way to cut a potato into the shape of torpedo with an equal number of sides. It's hard, but so much fun to practice.

When my potatoes are browned on all sides, I place them onto the sizzle platter next to my resting duck breast and pop it into the oven while I make my pan sauce. Diced onion, smashed garlic, and dried tarragon with a pat of butter. Once sweated, I dash in some 8 year old balsamic vinegar. Once the water is burned off, I throw in a glass of merlot. Once that's reduced to a syrupy glaze, I throw in half a cup of cranberry juice. Oh, yeah. Smelling so good, at this point. To finish it off, a couple of splashes of good beef stock, a little more reduction, and then finished with a small pat of cold butter. I pull my duck and potatoes out of the oven, pour on my red liquid gold, and then sit to enjoy my meal.

Almost. The House Troll came home and my appetite and mood was immediately soured. I took my lunch, my wine, and my annoyance down into my Dungeon and ate while keeping a close eye on my cakes. My oven has not been acting very well as of late.

Let me go off on a House Troll tangent. This last month I've carefully planned the use of every single penny I take home from my day job so that I will be debt free by the end of the year. I've also put a nice amount of change aside into savings to help motivate my great escape.

You can imagine my anger when I got a collection notice from Citibank, informing me that the student loan I cosigned for this lazy asshat has not been paid in three months and was now in collections. I called them and got the skinny. This bitch has not paid the $38 fucking dollars a month and MY credit report was going to be peppered with this shame. I paid them nearly $200 to bring it up to date and asked that all correspondence come straight to me now since this fucking cunt was NOT going to pay this loan. Oh, they can't do that since I am not the student. You gotta be fucking kidding me, right?

I tried to set up automatic payments through my back only to find out this fucking piece of shit troll had the account number changed. I called again to find out what to do, and much to my annoyance, I was told they cannot give me the information and that I would have to CALL THEM EACH MONTH to make the payment over the phone, but they would waive the fee since I was the co-signer and not the student. Fan-fucking-tastic.

This just enforces how RETARDED and MENTALLY CHALLENGED middle children are. They are not the first born and not the baby. They float in the middle and usually go over the top to garner attention. They go out of their way to prove they are better than the first born, but end up being even more ill-prepared for life than their younger siblings. They blame everyone around them for their issues and focus on other people's problems instead of fixing their own. They are the fillers that end up being more problematic than good; the cornstarch in your cocaine.

My mom made the mistake of hinting that bygones should be bygones since she had lent me money once upon a time. Fine. I will pay this loan, but I will wash my hands of this barnacle FOREVER. If she were on fire, I wouldn't spit on her. I will take out ANOTHER personal loan from my credit union; pending my overall credit score, and transfer this debt exclusively to me. I have bought my freedom of this asshole, and I don't have a problem not looking back. Family is not better than thieves when you come from a lineage such as this.

So, there is my rant. Sorry. It had to be done.

As I was saying, I took my time with this cake. It came out classically pretty. Two tiered, heart-shaped (their idea, not mine), and bordered with a pink shell and small purple drop flowers with pastel pink drages in the center. It was very simple compared to my over the top way of decorating. No crystal pink sugar, curliques, or polka dots. Just the border and drop flowers and some new lettering.

It would have been fantastic if I could have taken a picture of it, like I wanted to do before my mom delivered it to her boss. I couldn't do it last night because the House Troll was in the dining room- as usual. I didn't have my light box materials handy and I was ready for bed by the time I was done with this cake. I stupidly figured I could get up at 5am and snap a picture before it left. Nope. I asked the customer to send me a picture. I hope it still looks good when it comes back to me.

For dinner, I went for a healthier approach. Extra virgin Sicilian olive oil, two cloves of crushed garlic, slivered onions, capers, mushrooms, small can of albacore tuna in water (drained), splash of pomegranate balsamic vinegar, splash of merlot, a can of diced tomatoes. Simple. Healthy. Tossed with whole wheat rotini pasta. Not only did I have dinner, but I also had my lunch for today and my dinner for later tonight.

It has been a LOOOOONG time since I've cooked for myself. I bought these ingredients last week. I've been meaning to make something...soon...eventually....yeah. But, I never had time or the desire. Until yesterday. It felt good. I can't wait till I'm by myself again.

It was wrong to take off from my day job. It's really not a good idea for me to slip up at all at this job. With my ultra-strict financial plan in place, and now this loan on my lap, I need my paycheck more than ever...at least till the end of the year. Any extra money I make on cake is just cheddar- garnish. Pocket money I can treat myself with a nice meal or a show or a night out. Or money I can throw at credit cards, like I did with the Vday money I made.

Queenie Cakes has been lucrative since the latter part of last year, and it would be silly for me not to see the correlation between my business and my personal life. Less distractions means more time to concentrate on more important things. I've cleared out even more distractions since then, and I find myself happier having done so. I just can't let up on my work ethic, though.

I need to be healthier. I need to be better rested. I need to be at 1000% in order for my business to succeed. Who knows what the rest of this year has waiting for me. I'm not happy about this loan hanging off my wallet now, however, I've handled it well. No one's dead....yet.

Somehow, I just have this unexplained feeling that everything will be just fine, as long as I can keep it together. Nooooooo problem!