Friday, February 10, 2012

Gross Grub: Michael Jordan's Steakhouse

I've been a Jordan fan since I learned anything about basketball. He was the best of the best, and if you're going to emulate something- let it be the best.

With that being said, I had only a mild interest in eating at one of his steak houses. I heard mediocre things about it, and it all turned out to be true.

Being inside Grand Central Terminal, you are umbrella'd by one of the most beautiful ceilings in this city. Too bad they seated us as far away from anything beautiful from the get. The hostess was friendly and so was the coat check girl. The waiter was bland and unfriendly.

ONE restaurant week menu was dumped on the table rather unceremoniously. The choices were boring and the service matched it's lackluster performance.

I had wanted the Chicken Liver and Foie Mousse they offered only because I had no interest in tomato bisque or whatever that other forgettable choice was. They gave me two giant, cold jump shrimp sitting in a pool of cocktail sauce instead. The entree: yellowfil tuna, beef stew, or filet mignon. I went with the filet, despite my trepidation. The sides: glazed carrot, truffled cauliflower, or potato gratin. I went with the potato. The dessert: toffee pudding cake or carrot cake.

My dining companion went with the bisque, the beef stew, truffled cauliflower, and carrot cake. We both ordered a side of the mac n cheese to share.

The jumbo shrimp was huge and it was sitting in a large pool of cocktail sauce. It tasted like cold cocktail shrimp sitting in a pool of cocktail sauce. My friend's soup looked delicious bit ordinary.

My filet came out with no pan sauce at all and a sliver or bite-sized piece of the potato gratin. It was cold. It was bland. The filet was tasteless and ordinary. I wanted to dunk it in my friend's shiny beef stew to give it some flavor. The mac n cheese was the best part of the meal, but who goes to a steakhouse for mac n cheese? My toffee cake was dry and was more of a fruit spice cake rather than toffee.

My friend's beef stew was shiny but was topped by three smallish sized uncooked carrots- cut in half length-wise and whole. Anyone in the restaurant business knows you don't serve raw carrots on top of a cooked stew. It looked ridiculous. However, the stew itself was shiny and looking very inviting. There was a mountain-sized dollop of mashed potato in the middle of it. His cauliflower was nothing more than small bunches of cauliflower drizzled with truffle oil and roasted. His carrot cake looked nice but he only ate half.

No wine list was given to us. No extra service except to clear plates and change out silverware. It was a lackluster meal at a lackluster restaurant. The tourists looked happy enough, but I'm not a tourist.

My advice to Michael Jordan- Take your name off this God-awful place!!!

I'm not even giving restaurant info because I would not encourage anyone to eat here. You're better off getting a dirty water dog at the corner. At least you'll get a smile and a thank you from the food cart vendor.


  1. Wait, don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel! That bad, huh?

  2. Sounds terrible! Well at least he was in Space Jam.

  3. We weren't even seated yet and I could tell by looking at the food on everyone's table that this wasn't going to be a pleasant dinner. I should have made a run for it!