Monday, February 20, 2012

Douchebag Relatives

Let me start off by saying this this a vent post.

I'm not exactly my dad's number one fan in any which way, but he's had a hard time since my uncle's death and I see that he's been trying hard to repair our very broken relationship. So, there's the background. During my uncle's funeral, I was approached by a couple of my aunts, as well as the uncle who's sleeping on our couch. They wanted to throw a surprise birthday party for my dad, here in NY this past Sunday.

Anticipating an influx of relatives, I turned down a couple of big cake orders for Sunday and the Monday after. Being the holiday weekend, it was supposed to be a money maker. I already had a couple of huge orders on Friday and one baby shower cake for Saturday. I would have had more for Saturday if I didn't have to attend the shower itself. Then, there was this party that was supposed to happen so I was hesitant to accept anything else.

I heard nothing from these assholes. I asked my uncle was what going on and he feigned ignorance, as well. I was up all night Thursday and Friday baking and I saw him sneaking out at 4am Saturday morning. Little did I know he took my dad with him. I heard they went to Virginia. Turns out, they went to PA instead where all his siblings threw my dad a surprise birthday party....without bothering to let my mother or my brother or I know anything of it.

What a bunch of assholes. Besides feeling incredibly slighted by such a rude fucking move, I am pissed that I missed out on the work I could have taken. With the type of cash I just dropped on my brother's birthday gift, I'll be lucky if my bills get paid in full this month.

Besides the orders I filled on my day off on Friday, I also ended up staying an extra couple of hours at a German bar party to network. I handed out a bunch of business cards, and my website had nearly an extra hundred hits the last couple of days on top of the normal daily traffic. Not bad for a couple of hours works and sipping on some comped drinks.

So, coming from a Thursday night with a two hour nap in the morning, and then a long day in the Dungeon Friday, followed by a party and another all-nighter, I was off to a baby shower on Saturday with a friend who came in from out of town.

I was falling asleep during the hour-long ride out to the party. It happened to be held on the airfield where we had gone sky diving, and then gliding. We chatted, catching up with all the things we've been doing or not doing since she's moved out of town. After the party, we walked around the airfield, checking out the planes and the gliders. We had avoided all man-talk the entire time, and watching the gliders take off and do their aerial dance, we both fell silent for a long time. When we both looked at each other, we were both surprised to see the other crying.

"Jesus, we're a pair of sentimental bitches, aren't we?" I asked, embarrassed and trying to hurriedly dry my eyes.
"Do you think we'll ever be able to think about them and not feel like this? Like the way we can laugh over the stupid things we did back in high school?" She asked smiling, half laughing, still gazing longingly at the small planes her ex used to fly her around in.
"Yeah, I hope so. All wounds heal, right? So they say..."
"I guess you're right. I mean, look at everything you've done with your life over one year. "

I looked at her with the most "What the hell are you talking about?" look on my face.

"Bad example." I laughed.
"No, look at the changes you made. You've moved on, dude. You've been with different people. I've watched you take your business back into your own hands and move it from the backseat up to the front. You've found happiness again in something you were really passionate about. You have your pick of men who want to start a life with you. If you take a step back and look at your life, you've come so far in one year. You're so strong."
"You think I'm strong? I think I'm the weakest person I know. You don't think I'm scared? I'm actually terrified. My business still isn't where it should be, and I'm still making rookie mistakes every single time I fill an order. I don't think I'm the poster child of success stories."
"You're always too hard on yourself, Katherine. You don't know how many people look at you in wonder. How far you've come. Everything you've been through. Man, not many people can come out of any of that unscathed. You're not popping prescription pills. You're not shooting up anything into your veins. You're not a raging alcoholic. You're not picking up random men at a bar. People WISH they could take the punches like you do. You fight the vices; not give into them."
"Yes, I'm sure little girls aspire to be a broke, struggling cake maker like me," I muttered sarcastically.
"You'll get your financial house in order, " she lectured as she usually does when I whine about my life. "Then, you're going to pack a backpack and come visit me in Europe after my job settles me in over there. We'll travel and have torrid affairs with hot, European men. And then when we're too old to be gallivanting all over the world having adventures, we'll sit down and write down our memoirs. But, it won't be for the money, just to leave behind out legacy."
"Yes, because other people leave behind kids. We'll leave behind a best seller."

That drew us both out of our bad mood and had us giggling over our crazy plans.

Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be having crazy kitchen sex with my chef's plaids around my ankles with some gorgeous piece of man on top my my decorating table once again......Well, maybe not on the decorating table- that things is a pain in the ass to disinfect.

I've been antsy over here. I want to take all the obligations I've signed up for and burn it. I want to tell all these people that they can go fuck themselves. I want to leave it all behind- the pictures, the dried out flowers, old gifts, filled scrapbooks, all greeting cards, tear-stained letters...I want to take it all in a pile and shred it all so that it can be turned into compost and something good came come out of everything that was so bad. I want to do that and walk away and never look behind me again.

I still stay awake all night- whether it's in my bed or someone else's, and think to myself, "There is something greater out there that I should be doing, and I'm not doing it yet. This needs to change..."

Fuck yeah, this needs to change.


  1. That last paragraph, I feel that way a lot. I don't really know what I can do about it except to keep doing what I'm doing only more and harder.

    That's really shitty about your relatives. Why wouldn't they tell his wife and children?! And I HATE when I disrupt my plans for someone else and then they cancel. SO much hate.

    1. I can understand when circumstances change and plans get scrapped. It sucks, but it happens. They are just so fucking sneaky about everything they do. It's hard to make nice with people who don't know how to be honest on a regular basis. I think it's the inconsideration that really gets under my skin. Inconsiderate people have no place in my life.

  2. I find it hard to believe that family can do that to family. How incredibly hurtful and mean-spirited. Dare I suggest that you confront your uncle when they get back? Would that open up a huge can of worms? Let cooler heads prevail. And like you've said in the past, sometimes the older generation isn't going to change. You have to find the change in your generation and correct issues like that right away. For what it's worth, I hope your father had a good time. Look at it this way, he's probably still very upset over losing his brother. Maybe being around his other siblings brought him comfort. Try and see the good in the very bad situation. The reason I like you so much as my friend is because you always try and find the good in some of the worst people.

    As for your life- you've always said you feel as though you were meant to do something greater than the common man. Knowing you in the time I have, if there is anyone meant to do that, it's certainly you. Be patient. Everything comes in due time. I really believe that.

    1. They are never going to change, and they are not worth the trouble of letting my blood pressure go through the roof. I just know that I'm done always being the nice one, bending over backwards for anyone and everyone. It's just such a cliche. I'm tired of it all.

      I just need to put myself first so that I can find my own dreams. Putting everyone else ahead of myself hasn't brought my anything but trouble and regrets.

      Whatever. I'm over it. I'll just file it away with all the other fantastic fuzzy memories.

  3. Your family will never change. Even when you bend over backwards and move the sky and the ocean for them, they'll always be the ungrateful, spiteful lot you got saddled with. But, look at how much you love your little cousins and their kids and look at how happy you are when you get to spend time with them. Don't take the crimes of their parents (and your parents) and brand them all with the same mark. You have great relatives and some pretty fucked up ones. Which column do you want to fall in?

    Vent it all out. Curse out those crazy mo-fos, and then keep doing you. One day you're gonna have a family of your owm (in whatever shape they may take) and you'll make sure they are better than the people before them.

    Your dad just lost his brother. He's probably not thinking right, and neither are his siblings. I know they're all generally assholes regardless, but are they really worth the aggravation?