Monday, May 21, 2012

Spring Cleaning

Maybe with this weather, I should aptly call it Summer Cleaning.

I spent the better part of this weekend really scrubbing down the Dungeon. Sometimes it's just cluttered with stuff I haven't had time to put away, like ingredients. And sometimes I run out of time, and I go through the area like a tornado, taking out everything I need without putting it back. So, besides tidying up the stuff, I also took apart my actual food area, gave it a good scrubbing and ran the dishwasher like 5 times on things I haven't used in a while and needed a good cleaning.

By the time I was done, I smelled like bleach and soap. I used up a can of oven cleaner just to clean my oven door. It didn't do the job well enough, which means I need to make a Walmart run again in the near future. Sometimes I just get in these weird moods where everything needs to be perfect.

I most definitely am not the Martha Stewart of cleanliness. I'm a little lazy and cluttered. While I do work with food and my food area is always bleached down after I cook and my work surface is bleached and rinsed before I do any fondant work, I am surrounded by clutter.

In my past, I've been known to do a whirlwind cleaning job when I'm in times of stress. Unfortunately, it usually happens in other people's houses, moreso than my own, which sucks for me. My psychologist once labeled it as an erasure. I'm wiping out any trace of my existence in this person's world. It's kind of like saying, "Don't worry. When you open your eyes and look around, you won't see any hint of me."

This week is going to be crazy. I have 5 HUGE cakes to make, two of them in the middle of the work week. A work week where I have a date with Garbage at Webster Hall on Tuesday night, and another IMAX showing of the Avengers on Wednesday. This really isn't the smartest schedule, but sometimes I have the feeling that I'm not using my downtown very productively anyway, so I may have well burn that fucking candle at both ends.

Going through the stuff in the Dungeon, I came across boxes and boxes of stuff people have bought me throughout the years. A lot of it is baking related things that they thought I'd love. Unfortunately, a lot of the kitchy decorative baking things are not really useful in terms of function. I also have a mini pie maker by Emeril and my own ice cream cone maker. Why would I ever use these things?? The problem I have is that someone took the time and the money to buy me these things, and I wouldn't dream of getting rid of it or throwing it out.

But, they don't serve any function and they take up space. So, what do I do?

I often find metaphors in everything. I was a little upset this weekend over something that chapped my ass just a few points above annoyance. Without getting too personal, I had asked someone if the annual plans we had every year would still happen, and she said no. She didn't bother to tell me she made the same plans with a different group of people. Through the annoying world of social media, of course it got back to me in the most annoying way.

I tried not to get too personally upset about it. If someone doesn't want to waste time with you, then you just have to accept it and move on. Who wants to press their company on people who don't enjoy it? It sucks, but life isn't always roses, is it?

As I scrubbed the sugar off my Dungeon floor and sprayed the bleach mixture over every surface visible, I thought about the kitchen gifts people bought me. I can't get rid of them, but I can't use them. So, I keep them in neat little boxes and try to put them in a place that won't get in my way.


This person who pissed me off, I can't get rid of her, but I will box her up and put her away in some corner out of my way. That way, I won't see things I don't want to see and my stupid little feelings won't get hurt over silly little rude comments. Through the genius of privacy controls, I can essentially put this person in a place where they are still there, but won't be visible to hurt me anymore.

I don't do this for everyone. In fact, my delete and block finger makes it very easy for me to eliminate people as quickly as I can delete a spelling error. It's not hate. I don't really hate anyone. Hate ends up eating away at the hater moreso than the hated. I think I'm just at a point in my life where I can identify people who only bring pain, and rather than let them stay there and keep causing pain, it's best to just let them do it as far away from me as possible.

When I was done scrubbing my Dungeon, I had three garbage bags full of junk. I had three empty containers of cleaning products and two empty paper towel rolls. I felt good. My Dungeon smelled of clean. My boxes of useless gifts were neatly piled out of the way, but close by for the reason of sentiment. 

Growing up sucks sometimes, but I realized that not everything can be trashed and forgotten. Sometimes you hold on to things or to people because they did make you happy at one point, and it's better to remember them in that light rather than hate them because of their shortcomings. We all have shortcomings. I've had my victories as a cake maker, and I've had my failures. There are some people who will swear up and down that they will never order from me again because of one reason or another, and I don't blame them. I'm only human, afterall.

Because I couldn't do my supply run this past weekend, I'm going to have to do it tonight at the supermarket, and probably spend more than I intended. That sucks, but when you don't have a license or a car, it's hard to sit there and feel slighted by people who don't come through for you. Just another reason I really need to get my shit together.

Well, get this! I have signed up for some art lessons. Nothing formal or anything, but a local artist agreed to help me "draw" in order for me to have an easier time with my cake designs. I've bitched more than once about my inability to draw hindering my cake skills. He insists that I have talent, and I just need a little training. I doubt I have HIS talent, but if he can help me make better cakes, I'm willing to give it a shot and do the homework and everything. When someone is offering to help you improve your craft, you don't say no!

I've also signed a personal running trainer, something I didn't want to do, but it's part of my payment towards the art lesson. He told me it's easier to get a routine to get back in shape when you have someone else beside you trying to motivate you to stop being such a fatty.

I excited with my subtle little changes. I'm not really looking forward to the art lessons, because I know what my limits are as an "artist". I do believe that there are some skills you are just inherently born with, and when it comes to art- either you have it or you don't. I only have it up to a certain point. Any improvement he can help me make will be awesome, but I doubt I'll be working for Pixar anytime soon. (Because we all know Pixar gives out free Coke and cakes shaped like the characters in their movies to their employees every 3rd Friday of the month.) Man, what a gig!


  1. Hey you! Regarding that persona non-grata that irked you this weekend, I'm just gonna point out you haven't had the best time with her the last few you both hung out, so I don't think you're missing anything. Also, she spent a lot of time kicking you when you were down about you-know-who, and she said some pretty nasty things about you not being yourself when you were with you-know-who, and it turns out she isn't herself when she's around other people. Really, you shouldn't waste time being upset about it. Besides, she doesn't like sharing her friends with you so what's the point of going somewhere just to have someone bitch you out for being a person people want to get to know? You'd have to walk on eggshells not to embarrass her, and she'd treat you like shit anyway. Where's the loss there?

    Does pixar really do that?

    1. She was more upset that I wasn't getting over it as fast as she thought I should have, I think, rather than how I was with him. We weren't together that long, so there wasn't too much to complain about. Admittedly, I was a fucking pill to be around for a little while, but other shit was going on besides that.

      I'm less angry about it today than I was last night when I started writing this. I think people are who they are, and you need to take them at face value and move on. I'm not trying to make a diamond out of a lump of coal anymore. Too much work for a pretty weak payoff.

      LOL! No, I'm pretty sure Pixar doesn't give out free Coke and cake every 3rd Friday of the month. I was just kidding.

    2. In this person's defense, you really were a fucking pill to deal with during that extremely LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNG mourning period. Knowing how you usually operate, you've always bounced back quick and this time it took forever, your personality changed, and everything about you was all doom and gloom. So, as outspoken as she is- she wasn't gonna sugarcoat your fucking morbid attitude. I still love ya kid, but you were fucking obnoxiously depressing. My antidepressant had to go on antidepressants after being around you.

      I agree- just move on. Getting angry or hurt over it won't change who she is or how she treats you so just turn the other cheek and move on. People come and go. Your life should have revolving door at the entrance, not a set of bars. It should be a place people can come of their own free will and not a prison where you're trying to trap them. Let the bitch walk out, and welcome her back some other time.

      Who is this artist, if you don't mind me asking?

      Josh man, did you really think she was serious about hte pixar thing?