You know that expression stating something about having too much on one's plate? I did it again.
I should have spent the week getting ready for my trip; laundry, packing, taming the hoard so I have a welcoming space to come home to....but no. I took on way too much.
I did a follow up visit to Wink last night. The night before that I tried doing a cake consultation with a customer who ended up flaking. I am thinking of kicking her off my To Do list. I would lose the 2 c notes I was going to charge for her cake, which is nothing to sneeze at. Money is money and this is a very easy cake to make.
I'm pissed because she wasted my time. And I don't want to set a president for people to waste my time. She's flaky. What if I do this damn cake and the bitch doesn't pay me for it? Fuck it. I'm going to cancel her order.
Anyway, I agreed to do another research gig tonight at a med spa. I'm getting a photo facial and this better not fuck up my face!!! I need to be showered and out of the house at 4:30am tomorrow morning in order for me to get to the airport in plenty of time to veg out and relax. (Hopefully with some breakfast in my tummy.)
I have two loads of laundry on my bed that I haven't put away, an empty weekend bag, no clue what to wear since I'm fat now and all my West Coast friends are hot and sexy. I wanted my bed sheets washed and April-fucking-fresh when I get back home on my red-eye Tuesday morning so I can nap before the concert Tuesday night. I need to run to Walmart tonight to buy tiny toothpaste and tiny shampoo so I don't have to check my bag. I also need some make-up. Why Walmart and not just Duane Reade? Because I have less than $100 cash to my name, a little piddly credit available, and my Walmart card is free and clear for a little vacation spending. Says a lot about what type of vacation I'm take, doesn't it. =/
I wish I didn't agree to the facial for tonight. That was such a bad idea. I have too much to do, and once again, I didn't allot enough time to do it. What part of my brain is so damaged when it comes to time management?
I'm frazzled. On top of all this, I have no gift. =(
I'm beginning to wonder whether or not this trip was such a good idea.
Are you still stuck at the airport?
ReplyDeleteHi, babe! I was stuck at the airport from about 5 am till 5:30 in the afternoon. I have a whole adventure to write about. I think I'm going to break it up into 5 posts over 5 days. Maybe more.
ReplyDeleteSo much to talk about!!!! I'm very excited. But first, I'm very exhausted. I went to a concert last night straight from the airport, then another one tonight, and I have plans tomorrow night and Friday night...Maybe I can write at work tomorrow if I don't have a shit ton of stuff on my desk.
I CANNOT WAIT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF NY!!!! Promise me you'll come see me when I move?
Moving already after just 1 visit? It sounds like you had a blast. I'm sure you'll spin a mighty fine tale chock full of images and witty anecdotes that only you are capable of. Can't wait to read it. Glad you're back tho! Did persona non-grata try to touch base with you since you've been back?
DeletePersona non grata and I are like the walking dead to one another. We don't really occupy the same air space and we both pretend the other doesn't exist. It makes for a very peaceful coexistence. I'm not complaining. And it shouldn't even come up as a blip on your radar, so let's not get you all riled up about it, ok?
DeleteI was talking about it with my girl the other night when I was showing her this blog and some of our back n forth we did. She said I was only seeing it from one angle and I was coming off like a complete blowhard and really close-minded. She brought up about how defensive I used to be about the CUNextTuesday I used to be crying over, and I guess I can kinda see her point and your point. If I was too insensitive about that sitch I'm sorry. Are you still in love with the guy?
DeleteI didn't take exception to you telling me to get over it, but you had this hard-on for me to completely hate the guy, and as much as I wanted to hate him, I don't really have it in me to truly despise someone that deeply.
DeleteThink about it. You love someone. You're intimate with them on every level imaginable. You're looking at them and picturing your future and maybe offspring--and you're into it. And then it's over. I don't think that kind of love just disappears and dissipates into nothing. I think it turns into a fondness that you carry with you when you think about the happy memories. And that happens through the whole grieving and getting over it process. Some people handle it better than others.
So to answer your question- am I still in love with the guy? No. It goes back to the question of whether or not I was really in love with who he truly was or who he made himself out to be. I love what I thought we shared and I loved the way he made me feel. And I loved how he loved me (even in his own shallow way). And I'll keep that with me always, but it's in the past and I'm more in love with the notion of what my future holds and all the people and places I have yet to meet and go.
I'm more in love with the potential I have for a great future rather than a past that's no longer there.
I'm at a really awesome place where I don't wish anyone harm, and I hope the people I no longer associate myself with find what this world has to offer them. And I hope they treat their future partners better than the way they treated me. I don't think anyone should wish anyone they loved any ill will. It's all circular anyway. All that negative energy you put out there always has a way of finding its way back to you- like garbage in the ocean.
I know you're my friend and you care about me, and you hate to see me wallowing in self pity. I know that's where your frustration stemmed from. It took me a little bit of time, but I got through it. And I'll be just fine. And thank you for being there- even when we hated each other.
I'm gonna assume the exhaustion is getting to you or you're just in a really good mood. I do agree with Josh when he says your not a natural cynic, but you're not a regular optimist either.
DeleteAnyway, I get where you're coming from. You know I fully support any decision you make. At least this time your choice of where to go next will be based on you alone and not just to make some guy happy. One of your strongest gifts is your kindness and ability to bend over backwards for people, but it hasn't really worked out to your advantage so maybe it's time you put that gift away and just made it a priority to put yourself first.
You always talked about settling down with the right person and having the coolest kids in the world, and sometimes I'm really sad for you that you've put so much of yourself out there for people who were never going to do the same for you. I don't want you to put the dream of a family on the shelf, but I don't want you rushing into something again because of a ticking clock.
I think the point I'm ultimately trying to make here is that you are the kindest, most loving woman I know and it doesn't matter what city you're in-- you'll find someone to share old age with. I'm just glad that you're being more particular about your companions these days. Nothing wrong with take a few test drives before committing to a lease, know what I mean?
Put your Seattle stories up. I wanna know what happened while you were out there!
I'm glad you liked Seattle. Sounds like you're having a great summer. Wish I was. I'm sad and going through some stuff and I need a friend. I know you're busy, but call me sometime. I promise not to be too needy or anything. I just need a friendly chat with someone I consider to be close. :)
ReplyDelete