Food Porn: Eggplant Overdrive

When I dropped off my elephant cookies, the customer (my day job boss) happened to have just harvested his eggplant crop, hoping to save them from the impending storm. He generously gave me three of them.

Beauties aren't they? I was very excited to take home my bounty. I thought they were gorgeous. For the first one, I decided on thinly sliced and breaded disks for a cheese-less eggplant Parmesan. I had whole wheat seasoned break crumbs and some diced tomatoes for a fresh sauce. Perfect comfort food to get anyone through a storm, right?

First things first. Slice them. Up. As you can see, that's my Baby on the cutting board; 12" Wüsthof Classic Chef's Knife. She went through culinary school with me. Although not used as much since I got my Santoku, she's still a favorite of mine, no matter what. I love uniform, thin slices. It's fun getting into a good rhythm and going to town. What isn't there to love when it comes to this stuff? It's near perfection sprung out of the ground! I love eggplants. I wish I had the yard space to grow them.

Anyway, you cut them up like this, and then it goes to balsamic, olive oil and garlic bath. Eggplants are like sponges. If you fry them, like I'm going to do, they tend to soak up the oil and it's just hell on the diet. The breading and then the oil is just asking for trouble. By giving it a quick marinade in the balsamic, I'm tossing some flavor into the flesh, and I'm putting something else there so that the oil has less place to seep into. I also just love balsamic vinegar. I'd probably find a way to put it in everything if I could.

Next up is dredging and breading. I skip the flour part, and dunk my salted and peppered slices into a seasoned beaten egg mixture. What did I season it with? Italian seasoning blend; parsley, basil, oregano, and thyme. I also threw in some powdered garlic and onion for an extra little kick. Why not? The more seasoning you put into the levels of your dish, the less seasoning the final eater will every have to put on the meal when it gets to their plate. I get very offended when someone feels the need to salt and pepper their food. It pisses me off even more when they do it before they even taste it. That's just some bullshit, right there.

So, this may be where I went wrong. Perhaps a heavy salt hand in the egg or maybe the seasoned breadcrumbs, where I may have thrown in a few shakes too many. I'm not rally sure where my salt hand went nuts on me. But, inevitably it did. There were so many places this could have happened, but I'm sure it started here.

Look at the color on my sauce!!

So, after they were all breaded and coated and what have you, I took out a brand new pan and dropped in a few splashes of olive oil. VERY little oil. Beauteous, isn't it? =) Traditionally, these babies are deep fried, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Even with the marinade, it's still too easy for eggplant to sponge up the extra oil.

Veggie pasta!

After all my eggplant frying is done, I saute some garlic in olive oil, throw in a can of diced tomatoes, a can of crushed tomatoes, a handful of herbs and I boil all that down into a lovely sauce. I may have over-salted at this point, as well, but it all tasted good when I first took a nibble.

I don't really know why I stopped taking pictures at this point. I thought I had some nice shots of my layered and sauced masterpiece, but there is nothing of the sort of my camera. Poop. =(

I'll be honest. Although it was very tasty and the eggplant was just perfect, it was MUCH TOO SALTY. Yes, I went nuts with the salt. I have no idea where I overdid it, but it was too salty, and after everyone took a polite piece at dinner, no one took seconds.

Just another classic example that you can never take any step for granted when cooking. I ruined this multi-stepped dish by having a generous hand with the sodium. I'll just have to be more careful in the future.

Elephants on Parade

When I got this order, I was already very excited. First of all, it's not cake, they gave me a solid direction that they wanted to go but left artistic creativity to me. You can't ask for much more than that!

I ordered the pricey copper cutter from www.coppergifts.com . Yes, they cost a pretty penny, but they have an abundant variety of shaped copper cookie cutters, and there are many pictures of finished cookies to give you some good project ideas. I would gladly buy from them again in the future.

With that being said, I had only a couple of colors to work with for this job; grey, yellow, and white. After doing several sample cookies and witnessing the colors darken as the royal icing dried, I opted to go with classic grey and white. I did the whole colored sanding sugar on the ear to give it a pop, but it looked amateur and sloppy rather than finished and clean.

My first batch was ruined. Burnt cookies from a moody oven. Soggy cookies from a humid Dungeon. Hurricane Irene humidity fucking up the drying time of my royal icing....It was all seriously fucking up my very enjoyable order!!!

Well, after buying myself some time from the client, I took a break for a run and went back down to finish my elephants. I think they came out precious. I think the borders still look a little sloppy and obvious, but overall, I'm very happy with how they came out and my customers actually paid me DOUBLE what I charged her. She said I earned it. Damn....Imagine? Why can't all my customers be like that?

I had some leftover cookies that I wanted to decorate all funky-like. I really wanted to make pink elephants in homage to my favorite song from Disney's DUMBO movie. However, the humidity from the impending hurricane made the cookies too soft to decorate. They crumbled and got all limp in my hand. =( Story of my life!

Anyway, enjoy the pics!

Nanananananananananananananana--- BATMAN!!!

Certainly NOT the best superhero cake I've made, but considering it as last minute on a budget of $30, I think I did it justice.

Hiatus

Hello, my peeps! I have been remiss in my Food/Business/Industry posts. A combination of an extremely busy work schedule, a very cramped personal schedule, and plain old "I don't have tiiiiiiiiiime!" whining has contributed to this lapse.

I have some very exciting posts coming your way. Product reviews, professional-quality photos, and plain old me going off on whatever food-related thing is going on in the world.

Thanks for sticking it out with me. I'll do my best to get back to my old self as soon as possible.

Professional Envy

Last Saturday, I had to hire Joel again to help me with a party in Brooklyn. We did the initial setup, but had to wait a couple of hours before we could go back in and serve, and then take back my display. While we killed time, he told me he was teaching classes in a community center in Queens. After describing how he handled his class of 50 people, I was thoroughly envious.

I wrote his reports and papers back when we were in culinary school because the man could barely string together a coherent sentence. I reworked his recipes, organized his kitchen logs, and even corrected huge mistakes he would often make. He passed the academic side of school because of me.

Now, he's doing what I always wanted to do! He is even using recipes that he and I created during our own catering days. I grumbled a stoic "congratulations" to him and wished him well. But, I'm thoroughly green over this. He isn't even using very challenging demos. Some of his techniques are all wrong. He still pronounces "mirepoux" as "minnie pwa".

He's a speed demon in the kitchen. His food tastes good. While I loved doing the more fancy dishes we learned about in school, he was all about the fast, hearty, "regular" food that you could probably pick up at any cafeteria luncheon. Lasagna, penne alla vodka, sliders, stir-fry, etc. Nothing fancy. Easy food. I guess the people he's teaching sort of want that kind of food, but what a waste of an education.

I know I sound like I've got a mouthful of sour grapes, but I expressed this very opinion to him. His reply? 

"This is what I like to cook. I can get you a guest class if you want. You can do a really good baking demo if you bring in your Kitchenaid."

I turned him down, even though I was tempted to accept. This was his gig, not mine. I probably wouldn't have been as generous with him if the roles were reversed. And the topper? I wrote down my favorite port wine reduction recipe just to show my support.

If there's one thing I can say about that ex of mine; he makes things happen for himself. Most of the time, he's picked the wrong things to happen, but he makes shit go. Maybe I should take more pages out of his book of getting shit done.

Cash, Checks, Credit Cards & Chucks

I'll take it all!

I actually got these babies about a month ago. They are crazy and over-the-top, but do you expect anything less of me when it comes to my kicks?

A customer of mine had noticed me splendid array of various colored Cons. He mentioned that I can design my own custom pair online. I played around with different shades of purple but ultimately didn't go through with the order because my credit cards are off limits and it was going to be a lot of money. With shipping and tax, one pair would have set me back nearly $85. I just don't pay that much money for ANY pair of shoes. For Christ's sake, I'm a size 5. There's barely any shoe there to begin with.

I sent him some of my crazier designs via email as a joke. He made fun of my gaudy love of all things purple, and then ordered a set of cupcakes for his grandmother's 80-something birthday. A  set is three dozen cupcakes at 3 different flavors. I get the order done, and the day of the party, he calls to tell me he needs to cancel because he grandmother was in the hospital. He also said he'd still be more than happy to pay me for the work, it's just that no one would be around to accept the cupcake delivery since they would all be at the hospital.

His grandmother happened to be in LIJ, which is 5 minutes away from my house. My aunt is also a nurse in the ICU, where she was put due to heart trouble. He wasn't lying. She really was there, and his family was there in the waiting room, too. I took a short drive and gave them the cupcakes. Free.

They were already made. Everyone in his family was ready to celebrate this milestone birthday of his grandmother's, but all ended up in the waiting room of a hospital with just an express Au Bon Pain to keep them fed. I've been there many times. It's not a fun place to spend a Friday night.

I showed up at the hospital and gave my friend a quick call to make sure he was in the waiting room. He was. I dropped off the cupcakes, and he tried to pay me. I insisted it was a gift. Geez, God-forbid his grandmother passed away- how shitty would I have been to take money for her birthday cupcakes?

Anyway, the cupcakes helped his family pass the time in the ER and my buddy was very much appreciative. I got the warm and fuzzies for doing a good deed, and that was that.

Well, his grandmother was moved to a less critical recovery center not too long after that. Again, my buddy tried to pay me. I wouldn't take it. Hey, what are friends for? I came home one day to find a package from Converse waiting for me. Inside were these crazy sneakers!!!

First of all, the original sneakers I designed were NOT this loud. I never even knew they had a cupcake print available because I didn't bother to check out their print fabrics. I'm not a print type of girl.But, I guess he saw it, took all the crazy elements from all the other shoes I had previously put together, and then smushed it all together in this obnoxious shoe!! I've worn them out four times and have gotten looks each and every time. Whether they're good or bad looks I couldn't tell you. I don't care.

The creme de la creme- He embroidered my tag onto the sides!! I didn't even get that far when I was designing my Cons! I wonder if he paid extra for it. Anyway, have a look!

After the row of shitty customers I've had this year, I'm very grateful to the one's like this. He was a casual acquaintance of mine, known through a friend of a friend of a friend. He's ordered from me in the past, but it wasn't anything regular. Just because I did him this little favor, he went out of his way and got me these!!

Besides the fact that I am a Converse Whore, I love purple, the cupcakes represent my trade, and I am conceited enough to love my tag on ANYTHING---I'm just surprised that some guy went out of his way to get me such a personalized gift. Who does that?

Sometimes I doubt whether or not what I do makes a difference to anyone. This time, I guess it did. =)

Check out my new kicks!!!

Can you get the full effect now?

Oh, but I do love to see my name on things! 

Cupcake print sneakers- who knew?

A whole lotta purple going on...

What people see as I walk away.

I Need A Vacation

I have a big work weekend coming up the last weekend of August, but I thought I'd be able to get away before then. However, the orders have been rolling in. With unexpected expenses coming up, I know the money is necessary.

 I just really wanted to take a break this summer and go away....anywhere!

Well, if I play my cards right, I'll have a wedding cake to make next weekend!! Isn't that exciting? =)

Friends & Cake

They just don't mix.

Fail #1- Spiderman Cake. Spidey never quite came to life. The upper cake fell apart and I nearly missed the entire party. A make-up cake was constructed and delivered. I have not heard a "thank you" since.

Fail #2- Pinkalicious Cake. The mother probably gave me the wrong time to deliver. My phone was stolen & missing for about a day and a half. Traffic, poor timing, and lack of communication had me showing up an hour and a half after the drop-off time, walking into a WASP nest of rude, bitchy, post-marriage fatties in the 'burbs. Oh, and my friend totally threw me under the bus to get back in his wife's good graces. But, hey, what are friends for? And that fucking cake rocked.

Fail #3- First 1st Birthday Cake. Angel food cake with whipped cream frosting and maybe some summer flowers. The cake was a beauty. It was simple. My friend asked if she could leave it out on her table overnight. I asked if her apartment was air-conditioned. She said yes. When she got home, some of the frosting was melted. Her daughter hated the "less-sweet" cake I was asked to make for her sensitive baby belly. My friend insists the cake was delicious and the melt-down was her fault because the apartment was not as cool as she first thought it was.

Fail #4- Princess 1st Birthday. This was for a good friend's sister out in Howard Beach. The cake was NOT fondant covered, at my insistence. The whipped buttercream I made started to melt even before I left my house. I got there two hours before the party started. In hindsight, I should have scraped off the failed buttercream and refrosted the entire cake in a more stable icing and explained the change. My friend and her sister insisted that they still loved the cake. I tried to refuse payment. It was a melted mess. I gave back half her money and promised a free cake, even as she reassured me that it was gorgeous. It was NOT gorgeous. I should have made THEM the Pinkalicious Cake. They deserved it more than those idiots in Mt. Sinai.

Success #5- Farm Cake. Same friend from Fail # 3. This is Second 1st Birthday Cake- the Farm Edition. It took place at the SAME EXACT spot as Fail #1. I took my time and did it all right. In the end, I ran out of time to make more fondant animals, but was saved by the fact that she mentioned she had cute Farm candles that she wanted to use. I made one cute pig, one cute duck, and one ugly cow. The beautiful farmhouse on top was the centerpiece. Because I didn't cut out a board for it and I failed to stick in some support dowels, it started to sink in the middle of the cake, and the two "stay-in-place" support dowels I stuck through the cake started to come up the top of the barn. However, on the happy note, everyone loved it. I was only 45 minutes late. I got another golf-cart ride from the same farm employee who took pity on me the first time with the Fail #1. Tons of people got up to take pictures of the cake and to let me know how awesome it looked. I snapped some great pics for my website. I went home and took a nap before I started the next order. When I checked, I realized my camera didn't have a memory card inside of it. FAIL. I texted my friend to ask for copies of the pictures her husband took. She gave me a good report.

Even though a couple of the Fails were not entirely my fault, I realized that I get way too nervous when making a cake for a close friend. I put all sorts of pressure on myself, blowing up what is expected of me in my own mind. I stress so much about it, my anxiety gets the better of me. I end up imploding and creating chaos instead of beauty.

Lesson Learned: Try to avoid taking cake orders for close friends.

If that can't be avoided, I need to realize that they are paying customers just like anyone else. I don't need to recreate the 7 Wonders of the World in cake and sugar. I just need to make a delicious and beautiful creation just as I have been doing all along for my various customers. My friends don't deserve any more or less because I always give all that I have to my customers. They will not get gipped out of an outstanding cake.

After all that, my upset-stomach is back stronger than ever, my sleep patterns are all over the place, and my anxiety levels are off the charts. As much as I would like to please my customers and wow my friends; dammit, some of this shit just isn't worth it. I have a crazy order in Brooklyn this Saturday. A huge part of me hopes and prays they back out. We have not confirmed it in stone yet, but $200 isn't worth the headache I'm going to have making this order.

Not good for business, but I'm burned out. I'm tired. I want to enjoy the rest of my summer. I could use a break.

Be Proud

So, non-techie, code-ignorant ME totally just managed to redirect my domain name over to my wordpress site without having to flash a redirect page first!!!!!! Yes, little old me figured it out and did it all by my lonesome!!

I'm so proud of myself. I thought this shit was hard. It intimidated me, and I often went with the the opinions and knowledge of others when it came to matters of the technical side of things. I kind of knew what I wanted, but had no idea how to go about getting there and was utterly clueless on how much I should be paying someone to help me get there.

Over lunch today, someone who was browsing my site casually mentioned that the experience was marred because the redirect page took way to long to bring up my site and it looked sloppy and haphazard to begin with. It was alarming, as if they were about to be redirected to a dirty amateur porn site. =(

I explained that it was done as a favor to me to save me the headache of trying to figure it out. Although its not what I want people to see when they type in my domain name, I'm also realistic enough not to look a gift horse in the mouth, and I was just grateful for the gesture.

Then, my lunch partner laughed and said a better favor would have been to let me know that I could just do it directly through my hosting site. In my case, Go Daddy. I was too embarrassed to ask how to do it. I knew I was out of my league as far as technical knowledge goes within the group I was lunching with. I also felt sort of foolish being so proud of my site, and not realizing what a poor impression it was giving when people saw that redirect page up there first. I found out most people didn't even wait for wordpress to load because that redirect page scared them away from it. There was also a typo, (another person pointed out to me).

When I got back to work, I spent most of my afternoon reading through Wordpress and Go Daddy, getting the gist of it. I made the changes as per the instructions, and was set to wait the 48 hours for it to take. I took another look tonight, and realized that Go Daddy has a special section to do just that without any hassle or fuss!!!

And I did it!! Check it out: Queenie Cakes . Woohoo!!!! Go me!!!

No One's Whore

I wasn't going to write about this because it had me so fed up, I wanted to walk away from everything and
not look back. I know I have my hissy fits every now and again, and I slap on the drama in thick slabs, but I was so done with this business, it was beyond a common drama queen crisis.

I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I didn't want to rehash it with any of my friends. And I certainly didn't want to write about it. In fact, I'm not even going to give it back it's legs by detailing the scenario again now.

I don't know where people in this society get off on treating people like shit because they are "working" for them. In truth, because of what I do, people are paying me for my services. Yes, technically, I'm working for them. However, it doesn't give anyone free reign to make me feel badly, to treat me like shit, or to dehumanize my existence. I'm human, and prone to mistakes, just like anyone else. Sometimes, circumstances go beyond my control, and I do my best to deal- but in short; shit happens.


I try my best to right a wrong. Cake wrecks happen. Not all the time, but most recently I've had two major cake wrecks for two people I just happened to know since elementary school. Ironic? Maybe. The first one was Spiderman, and I did all that I could to try to rectify the situation. I didn't charge for the first wreck of a cake I gave them. ($100 loss) And I didn't charge for the second cake I made them. ($75 loss) It's a lot of money I lose in profit, but it's the cost of materials that really eats into my wallet. However, the situation was so terrible, I would have done anything to try and make it right. They were happy enough to ask for the second cake and set up a delivery time, but I haven't heard from them since and I have no clue whether or not they liked that cake. Who knows?

The last one was different. The cake was perfect and beautiful and worthy to be on any magazine cover or tv show. It was PERFECT. Perfectly late. I have a feeling the woman gave me the wrong delivery time, but even if she did I still ended up coming quite late because of car trouble, extreme holiday traffic, and a stolen phone. I'm getting stomach pains just thinking about it, but to sum it up- I fucked up. I got there late, and the party was practically over. Did I have any clue this party was only going to be about an hour and  a half long?  No! Who the hell throws a party for an hour and a half? But, even so, I came late and it was my fault. That's $200 that I didn't get paid. It was my fault. Fine.

I apologized till I was blue in the face- via several forms. It just wasn't going to make it okay. I kind of knew it was headed in that direction, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel badly. I was in near tears telling them how sorry I was. My friend seemed very understanding, giving me several huge bear hugs before letting me go when I delivered the cake. His wife wouldn't even look at me. Understood. I didn't expect a cyber-chew-out from him, since he seemed so non-chalant about the whole thing when we were face to face. I felt as though he was trying to man up in front of his wife when I sent my apology to her (cc'ing him on it), and he utilized me as his method of showing her he was sticking up for him family. I don' know what there was to stick up for. I admitted how wrong I was, I apologized till blood was coming out of my palms, and I didn't charge them for a PERFECT cake that they still enjoyed enough to take pictures of and slap on FB.

There's the crux of it all. If I fuck up a stranger's cake- I may lose a customer and lose any potential future business from that customer. When it's a "friend", everyone is interwoven all over the fucking internet and my name get's dragged through the mud on a professional and personal level. I don't get many bad reviews. AT ALL. Almost every cake I've ever made anyone- paid or free- has been received happily 98 out of 100 times. I take constructive criticism well- too sweet, too dry, too much alcohol, too rich....I hear it every now and then, but I adjust and I have MANY repeat customers. This year, most of my business has been first time customers, leaving me very little room to mess up.

I know it's my responsibility to showcase myself and my business in the best light possible, but I'm only one person and sometimes it gets away from me. Accidents happen. Weather happens. Time slips by faster than I can keep up with. I don't walk in with the attitude that people WILL understand and I WILL be forgiven. I know that these events are important to these people and that's time that they won't get back. The importance of me showing up with my best cake on time is never lost on me. It's not always possible, though. That's when I wonder whether or not I should be doing this if I can't deliver the best on time every time. When I fuck up, I understand that people will be furious at me.

On the other hand, I don't understand the mindset of making someone feel worse about something they are obviously already feeling really shitty about. The irony isn't lost on me. I know I can hold a grudge like a stubborn little bitch, and I can drag a fight on and on and on for hours. Someone may apologize to me and admit they are wrong, but if I don't feel like it's a sincere sentiment, then I won't accept it and I'll keep raging on.

Do I feel like maybe this is my own personal baggage or Karma coming around and taking a bite out of my ass? Of course. I think every single one of my exes and former friends can stand off on the sidelines and enjoy watching my distress being the one on the other side getting railed at. For once, I feel like my Karmic deposits have been depleted, and I have a whole slew of past transgressions coming back to hit me.

But, that's my personal Karma. In business, I have never treated a working person like a cockroach, and I've never behaved as rudely as these people have acted. I've worked with all different levels of economic and financial classes of people. Do you know what I've experienced? Those who can just afford my cakes or the ones who scrape and save to throw these parties are the one's who have always paid me what I asked, were flexible to change, and have always been polite, respectful, and grateful to me for doing what I do. Half an hour late? It's ok. Changed design due to heat or humidity or circumstances? No problem. And they tip me....VERY well!! These are working class people who shop clearance, clip coupons, and shut off lights to save electricity.

These fucking suburban soccer moms have been so nasty, so selfish, so CHEAP, and so unrealistically demanding. I don't know if they feel that because the value of their homes exceed what 5 people make in a year- they can treat people any which way they feel. In fact, any party I have attended in these well-to-do environments have always proved to me how detached from reality most people get when they no longer have to worry about money.

Do you know what people talk about at suburb parties? They brag about the latest photographer they just used for their kids' portraits, the cost of the newest dance classes little Britney is attending, the expense of their latest family vacation, the hassle of leasing their new Benz station wagon, complaints about the cleaning lady not cleaning well enough, the pool man not skimming the pool as well as they would like, the blaring music coming out of the landscaper's truck, the fact that this sister-in-law didn't rsvp to the party but showed up anyway and brought the WRONG type of Barbie as a gift- HEAVEN FORBID! 

I've sat there, feeling like an alien watching humans for the first time in my life. Is this what "living the dream" is really like? Is that what people feel is happiness for their children when they don't struggle with money? Give them everything- more of everything. The best of the best of the best- and if someone fucks with that formula- tear them down like the maggots they are!

Mistakenly, I had always assumed that more money meant more class, and maybe better people. I've learned working in my business that the one's with the most money have the least amount of class and have been the ugliest of people I have ever dealt with.

Men and women pay whores for their services. They are bought for pleasure and they are expected to deliver. Their money doesn't give them the right to treat them badly. Whether someone is paying for a whore or a cake baker- the cost of services does not encompass disrespecting anyone. The title on this blog is wrong. Even if I was someone's whore, no one will ever buy the right to make me feel like shit.

Whore or not; everyone deserves to be treated like a human being with a very basic level of respect. Now, at what point did the money in one's bank account buy the right to forget that?

Second Thoughts

I'm beginning to feel that maybe the cake business is not for me. It was fun for a while, and it was exciting, but the more serious it gets the less enjoyable it is to me. I don't know if it's because I'm just a flake who never finishes anything she starts or if it's because I want the freedom to pick and choose the types of things I want to do.

I don't know if I want to do this much longer.

2011 Summer Restaurant Week

NYC Summer 2011 Restaurant Week starts July 11th and runs through July 24th.

Restaurant Week is an excellent way of tasting some decadent fare from some of NYC's finest restaurants, all for a prix fixed wallet-friendly price. I'm a big advocate of Restaurant Week and I always try to encourage my friends to try something awesome for a change.

I won't be participating this year. But, that doesn't stop anyone else from giving it a try!

Restaurant Week

Spidey- Take 2

I did do that Spiderman cake over again this past weekend, and although it's not EXACTLY as I would have liked to do it, I'm still happy with the results. I realized that high humidity and heat really taking it's toll on my fondant covered cakes. This is going to be a huge problem since I have three HUGE events this weekend- all involving lots and lots of fondant!

With Spidey, my sculpted figure was not coming out well at all. The fondant was too soft to hold its form and the more tylose and sugar I tried to add, the harder it was to sculpt him. I also had to paint it, and with the stickiness from the humidity that wasn't going to happen. I opted to just go with a candle for the topper, and call it a day. I felt like I was cheating, but this was ANOTHER free cake for them, and I didn't want to risk giving him a wonky, melted Spiderman on top of this cake.

The city scape I wanted to create along the bottom of the cake was not coming out straight at all. I couldn't pipe the yellow windows or the stars or sponge on dark clouds. I wanted to spray on a hazy full moon....None of that was happening. My fondant was sweating and getting stickier by the minute. I knew I had to improvise. So, I cut out gray buildings, finally getting to use this brick impression mat my ex gave me on our first Xmas together. It was way off scale, but I like the cartoonish, exaggerated style. I even made them uneven and crooked just to magnify how imperfect they were supposed to be. Instead of piping on stars or the moon, I used gold dragees instead. I think the affect was nice. Not how I envisioned it originally, but nice enough.

The longer I worked on this cake, the more difficult the fondant was to handle. By the time I got to the topper, the red fondant was ripping and cracking. I had to change up my plan again. I cut out a circle for the very top, and covered the sides with the brick impressed fondant. I had thought I would be able to pipe out webbing in royal icing- the very top starting at the top tier, and the bottom landing on the bottom tier in a 3D-like effect. As wet as the fondant was getting and as soft as my cake was becoming, I knew I was headed for disaster if I went that route. I piped webbing at the very top with regular buttercream and called it a day. I surrounded the top tier's base  with stars to add a little color, and I had to step back and leave it be.

Another lesson I've learned in my years of cake decorating; once your materials are compromised, it's best to handle it as little as possible. You can only do more damage trying to make it do what it's obviously refusing to. Know what can be fixed, realize what cannot, and leave it be. I delivered the cake. They seemed to like it a lot. And that was it. These people had the balls to call me so they could bitch me out for an hour about what happened to the first cake. But, they couldn't shoot me a text, letting me how they liked the second cake. Not even a thank you. Just goes to show;- you can't expect much from people.

Anyway, I feel as though my Cake Karma is cleansed. I feel that I more than made up for my goof. I think I did right by this little boy. Whether or not these people are appreciative is out of my hands. Like the sweaty fondant, I just have to leave it be and walk away. I did my best, and I'm satisfied knowing I tried hard to do the right thing at the end of the day.

Good Grub: Soy & Sake

After spending the day wondering the city with my buddy Josh, we decided to try and find some light fair for dinner. A quick, "We're in the Village, of course we'll find something!" turned into us walking around and around for nearly an hour trying to find a place not too heavy or too expensive. We settled on Soy and Sake after seeing the large variety of choices and the very agreeable price point.

We were seated immediately, and were a little surprised to see the place sort of empty. After reading the menu, Josh figured out why. It was a vegetarian place!

::cue Psycho music here::

Yes, people. I found myself dining meat-less on a Saturday night! Fear not; it wasn't that bad.

Soy and Sake is not my first tryst with vegetarian or vegan vittles. Granted, it would not have been my first choice of cuisine, but being someone who expects people to have an open palate, it would behoove me to expand my culinary spectrum, too, and vegetarians and vegans are part of that spectrum.

Soy and Sake, if you can't tell from the name of the place, hovers around an Asian direction with their menu, although there were a bunch of American and Italian dishes that stuck out like sore thumbs. When I say "Asian", I don't just mean Chinese or Japanese. We're talking ALL of Asia. There were Vietnamese dishes, Filipino dishes, Singapore cuisine, an various other temping choices.

So, I went all in. I ordered Roti Canai as my app. It's one of my favorite things to get when I used to get Malaysian or Singapor-ian (sp?) food with my old buddy Christine. It's an Indian "pancake" served with a coconut curry for dipping. There was a piece of fake chicken in there and a small potato. The funny thing is that I knew that the chicken would be fake, but with the sauce covering everything, I couldn't tell it apart. I started to eat, and thought to myself, "This fake chicken tastes like a potato." Then, I bit into the fake chicken and realized I had just finished the potato. The fake chicken was rubbery and chewy. It was tasty, swimming in that coconut curry, but I don't think I could eat a whole bowl of it. Not bad for Round 1.

Fake Duck

For my entree, I ordered roasted "duck" sauteed with veggies and mushrooms. I'm a big 'shroom whore, and the first time I ate at a similar restaurant years ago (Red Bamboo), I had also ordered a mushroom dish which tasted awesome! This didn't disappoint. The sauce was spot-on and the veggies were crisp and fresh. The 'shrooms were great, too. The "duck" was tofu skin, rolled up and seared to resemble duck breasts. It didn't taste like duck at all. However, I am a big fan of tofu skin, so I thought it was delicious. I wouldn't call it duck, but it was really good.

We shared a bottle of sparling sake, and that was really good. Josh ordered two kinds of sushi. I forgot the "fish" one he got, but the fruity one was spectacular. It was a fried banana, pear, avocado, topped with mango and garnished with a mango puree. It was absolutely YUMMY! I call it dessert sushi. The only problem was that we were so stuffed, it was hard to finish everything. I ended up taking most of my entree home.

Dessert Sushi

Overall, I know a Vegetarian restaurant has an uphill battle with me, trying to get me to enjoy my meal. I love my meat, and often feel as though I haven't eaten anything if I don't have some sort of meaty protein within my meal. However, being quite chunky now and probably not in the best of internal health, I would imagine that healthier meatless options are going to be something more prominent in my culinary future. Soy & Sake did a great job, though. Even though the fake meats were not awesome, the dishes were still very tasty and I really enjoyed my duck dish and Josh's dessert sushi. The prices were also very wallet friendly in a very Village-trendy neighborhood.

The service was a little slow, but everyone was quite friendly, which I can deal with on a Saturday night. That was the only con.

All in all, Soy and Sake was Good Grub! If you're in the West Village, give them a try.

Soy and Sake
47-49 7th Ave South
New York, NY
(Between Bleecker & Morton)

All Better

The guilt I was feeling over that fucking cake was sick. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I had orders I had to push out Sunday night and my hands shook. They actually SHOOK. That hasn't happened to me since my breakup with Joel.

My reluctance to step back in my Dungeon wasn't exaggerated. That mother-fucking cake traumatized me. I'd never had anything like that happen to me before. As I mentioned yesterday on someone's comment, my friend left me a voicemail on Sunday night, wanting to "talk" about what happened. What more can we talk about? I apologized till I was blue in the face...till I ran out of words...till my eyes were ready to swim out of my head. What more could I say that I hadn't already said to him?

I got to work yesterday and my friend Jess immediately planned a lunch date with me. During lunch, she asked how my weekend was and this disastrous cake story came vomiting out again. I started crying fresh again, as I finished up with saying that I don't think I'm cut out for this business and I wanted to cancel all my booked orders this summer.

At this point, Jessica yelled out "NO! YOU HAVE TO MAKE MY CAKE NEXT WEEK!"

Oh, so that was the point of her buttering me up with lunch! She begged, argued, nagged, and kept on doing all that till I conceded to make her damn cake. Fine. I like making girly cakes anyway. It brings out my much-neglected feminine side. It's not like she asked for Wonder Woman or anything complicated like that...

So my friend, the father of the Spidey Massacre Birthday Boy just got off the phone with me. Yes, I did feel horrible about what happened; so fucking horrible that I nearly swore off cake making all together. Then, I had this conversation:

Him: So, what exactly happened to the cake
ME: (goes into long explanation for the millionth time in extreme detail so he can get a clear picture of the nervous breakdown I nearly had on Saturday over the mishap)
Him: Forgive me if I'm overstepping my boundaries, but don't you have a Plan B or something? Like a spare cake just in case?
ME: Yes, I always keep a spare sheet cake on hand for occasions such as these. (Of course that was said inside my head.) Outloud: It's something I can probably make sure to have going forward. (because everyone should have spare sheet cakes laying around....jackass.)
Him: (at this point I tuned him out)

All in all, the guilt gut steadily alleviated the more of a jackass he made of himself. The bottom line is that I agreed to make a smaller Spiderman cake for his son on Sunday. And this time, I'm going to make the cake I wanted to make to begin with, and not that shitty flat cut out cake they wanted. I'll be able to test my skills out, while sticking to something that I know I'm pretty damn good at. End of story.

I know I had a major freak out after that happened on Saturday, and I know it won't be the last time I have a disaster on my hands. It's hard to explain why it got so bad. I started to run out of time. I was having difficulty decorating the cake to make it look like the picture. Then, the cake started to crack and it wasn't getting any better when I tried to fix it. The clock was ticking down. The customer kept calling. I just couldn't make it come together. And at the end of the day I ruined a child's birthday party.

To say that I felt utterly alone and helpless is an understatement. In the past, my anxiety was eased just by having a good partner stand by and help me. Help didn't always come in the form of a good decorator. Helping me is making a fresh batch of icing as I'm running out, or cleaning up the sugar and spilled food coloring, or even just making sure I have my tools close at hand so that I'm not running around in a panic. I don't have any of that now, and it got the best of me in a terrible way.

I'm going to stick to what I know best for the make-up cake. I'm going to have confidence in my skills and not worry about what someone else thinks. When this child see's the cake I'm making him, he will smile and the disappointment from his birthday party will fade just a little.

I often say that nothing in life that's truly worth it will ever come easily. I know I don't have a good business partner or a loving Other to keep my head in check when I feel like I'm about to explode. So, the burden falls on me to keep it together. It's not easy, but since when have I ever done anything the easy way?

I appreciate the kick in the ass I got from Josh & Mike for my foolishness. I'm no Michealangelo, but I don't want to be. I'm Chef Queenie, and the cake will look awesome in my own style. If that's not good enough, Carvel always has a Fudgey the Whale on hand; feel free trying to get a custom cake out of them.

Thanks for riding my stupid emotional roller coaster with me. I'll try to keep my freakouts to a minimum, but I'm getting old, I'm always busy, I never sleep...and eventually all that shit will catch up to me and reduce me to a quivering mess.

I really fucking hate being mortal.

Ta Ta For Now

After passing out in my drunken stupor following my solo pity party, I woke up this morning with a sick hangover and a firm decision of what I need to do right now.

I guess this pretty much says it all. (Thank you for this very approp. shirt today, Tee Fury.)

I Resign

I had the worst cake disaster in all my cake making history today. Simple enough. Make a Spiderman cake for his son's 3rd birthday. I sent out pictures. They picked out one that they liked and we talked to discuss flavors and adjustments.

I was nervous because Spiderman is, for lack of a better description; SPIDERMAN. He has a very distinct look. You can't fuck him up or he looks TOTALLY fucked up. Josh suggested I try the grid method of drawing him. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am not an artist. I cannot draw. I cannot sculpt. I can try to replicate, but my skills are limited, at best.

I thought I started this cake early enough, but I ran out of time again. I blew up a giant pic of the Spiderman, laminatd with clear packing tape, and cut out the board and cake in the shape of the stencil. The hard part would be filling it in.

As the delivery time drew near, I knew this cake was going to be a huge problem. My skyline on the base cake was coming out horrendous because of the humidity and my uncooperative frosting. The colors were running, the icing was drooping, and it was not looking anything like the awsome skyline I had done in the past. When I plopped down the base frosted Spidey on top of the wonky skyline, his arm cracked off. I tried to fix, but it was clear this was going no where. The more I tried to make him look the Spiderman, the more horrendous the cake was turning out.

My customers kept calling. The party was fixing to end and I was not there with the cake. I conceded. I called them up, explained the problem, and then into Stop n Shop in my frosting stained wife beater and leggings to buy a Spiderman candle topper.

As I carried this cake to the very BACK of the New Hyde Park farm near my house, I could see all eyes on me. There was a wedding going on in the front. There was another child's party in the middle with a NICE looking farm themed cake. And all the way in the back was my party full of many angry guests, waiting to leave. Powder sugar, cannoli filling, and vanilla frosting covered my clothes and were in my hair. A farmhand felt terrible for me carrying this huge base cake that he gave me a lift to the party.

I have no words. I apologized till I ran out of anything else to say in the English language. I tried to offer anything to make it up to them, but how do you fix a ruined party for  3 year old. They tried to be kind and understanding, but anyone could see how disappointed they were.

Another fail....this time, it was for someone I've known since 1st grade, and it's bad.

I don't think I'm really cut out for this. I have terrible time management. I get distracted so easily. I can't draw. I can't sculpt. I can barely paint. Maybe my dreams of cake decorating super-stardom is just another arrogant goal that I have no means of reaching.

I think I'm better suited frosting cupcakes at someone elses shop, earning minimum wage. After today's failure, it's clear I don't have what it takes to be successful with this.

I don't cry in front of my mom. She see's it as a sign of weakness, and we are not tight enough to know how to comfort one another. So, we just don't break down like that. Driving back from the farm, I broke out in tears and I coudn't stop. My mom was beside herself, not knowing what to do or say. The truck didn't even finish pulling into the driveway when I jumped out. I ran to my room and finished my Pity Party.

I just realized today that I'm not as good as I thought I've been. As a matter of fact- I SUCK. I suck at planning. I suck at communicating. I suck at problem solving. I suck at timing. And I suck at cake art. I can't run this business anymore if I know I am not capable of  doing the best possible work. I can't do it. I can't have any more cake wrecks. The look on those people's faces today made me feel like the scum of the earth.

I think it's time I put down my offset spatula. There's no room in this business for mediocre.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a Dungeon to clean, a shower to take, and a giant bottle of Jameson's waiting for me to drown in. I don't condone wallowing in self pity, but my dream just died today. I think a little mourning is appropriate.

Thank you for all your support these past months or years or whatever. I have very supportive friends around me, but I don't want to fool myself anymore. I don't want to lie to myself for the sake of my ego. I can't do this.

And with that realization, I am without a purpose again. Just fucking useless.

Busy Little Bee

Well, I'm glad to report that Queenie Cakes has had the best year thus far in all the 8 years I've been doing this. Every month has been consistently busy, only getting busier as the summer months happen upon us. The orders are getting bigger. The customers are paying more money. My skills are getting better.

It's been a fantastic turnaround from the disaster I had run my business into the previous two years. And I can thank my mom for helping me get what I need when I need it. I can thank Joel for stepping in and coming to my rescue when all else failed. I can even thank ElasticDragon.com for the beautiful marketing artwork he's given me, which has pushed my business from the homegrown amateur variety to a professional, eye-catching beauty that it has become. The changes has not been lost on my customers; old & new. I cannot be happier with all the  progress.

Last week, my website brought me another random customer off the street. They needed a last minute Yo Gabba Gabba Cake and where willing to pay anything for it. I charged $65 for a 10" cake with 5 fondant sculpted figures on top. Here are the results:

I thought it came out really cute, and they tipped me an extra $10 on top of my price! The only problem was that by the time the cake got to the city, the red hot dog with herpes monster had slipped off the cake and took a nice chunk of the edge with him. I didn't bring anything with me to fix it. So, I took the balloons and tried to cover up the mess. =( I didn't hear back from the customer. (He had me drop it off at his Chinese food take out store.) I would imagine they were not happy about it, but they didn't call me to complain, either. Ugh.

That same day, I had a 120 cupcake order for a Sweet 16 in Astoria. I was hoping to make the cupcakes fancier, but time wasn't on my side. I finished and just made it in time to set up, but the cupcakes were not as pretty as I would have liked. My specialty cupcakes: Cookies n Cream, S'mores, and Peanut Buttercup were fantastic and tasted just as great. I just wish I could have made the regular ones look nicer.

That new cupcake stand in from Wilton. It held 120 cupcakes exactly, with  the giant cupcake up top. It's not as fancy as my old stand, and it was not as sturdy, but my last stand is broken and I can't get a new one. Beggars can't be choosers.


I've met many new potential clients in the past few weeks. I've given out countless business cards. The hits to my website has doubled in the past three months, and I have new cake inquiries daily. Am I making enough to quit my full time job? No. Sadly, not nearly enough yet. I do believe if I had a store front and was able to sell by the piece on a daily basis, I could probably sustain a decent income. That is; if I have no debt, no rent, no employees to pay, and no life. A small price to pay for success, right?

I don't know what else I can do at this point to increase my profits. As it is, I'm burning myself out nearly 6 days a week. I know I have to work smarter, not necessarily harder. Do I just take the large cake orders with the bigger profit margin? The smaller ones are more consistent. Do I adjust my prices? Where else can I cut corners without sacrificing quality?

The only other major hurdle I have is my failing health. Not only am I badly out of shape, but it's getting harder to be on my feet all night long baking and decorating. The pains are getting worse and the recovery time is taking longer. Fuck! Getting old is such a goddam bitch.

My new home fund is growing nicely, but I've also used credit cards this past month to buy supplies and for quick indulgences at the mall. (I'm no saint!) In two days, my Old Navy credit card will be at 0. That's another card all zero'd out! I'm proud of me, but it's slow going. I'm tempted to use my savings to pay off the majority of my debt, but it's not enough to get rid of everything and I'll be left with nothing if I do that.

I'm doing my best to make the smartest choices for my business. I don't know if I'm making all the best decisions, but I'm trying. I guess I can only wait and see where it all takes me.

Pardon My Absence

I'm in the process of condensing all my blogs and getting this glitchy site all straightened out. UGH. Blogger has been a HUGE pain in my ass as of late.

I'll update the work situation tomorrow, I hope. If I can catch a break tonight, you may just get a new post!

A Million Words

The little boy whom I made the Safari brownies for this year and the reptile cupcakes for last year gave me this today to express his thanks. It's a gecko! And it's chocolate! He gave me a big hug, a wet kiss, and went on and on about how much he loved his birthday confections.

Totally made all the sleepless nights, achy back, and grumpy mornings very much worth it!

Future Adoptee

My kitchen family will be growing soon!

Besides the airbrush kit that will be arriving next week, I've decided to add another not-cheap addition to my Kitchen Entourage.

Meet Nakiri!

Nakiri is a traditional Japanese shaped knife perfect for veggie, herb, fruit and cheese prep. Of course it's a Wüsthof Classic, which means it's precision forged from a single piece of steel, and full-tang. Besides my Classic set from culinary school, I have only gotten a Santoku to add to my tool set, and it's been my favorite for a long time. In fact, I often suggest it to people asking me for knife picks, and I have only given it as a gift ONCE to someone who really liked to cook, but was in dire need of a proper knife. (It's not a cheap knife! It's an investment in a proper tool.)


People who don't understand kitchen tools don't understand why a really good set of knives will set you back a few hundred dollars. My original chef knife retails for almost $200 by itself. I had a set of five knives to start- chef knife, paring knife, boning knife, serrated knife, and a tornet knife. Cheap knives that you can pick up at your local Bed, Bath & Beyond can be as cheap at $20 for an entire set, and comes with a knife block. You will get a very flimsy knife that will not hold an edge. It will be light, often made of cheap materials and plastic handles. The blade will NOT be full tang, and will probably only be held into the handle by a small jutting piece of metal glued into a notch. These knives dull easily, and do not have a good feel in your hands. These issues will cause slippage and that's where accidents happen. You will get cut. Even a dull knife can do a lot of nerve damage to your fingers. People think that ultra sharp knives are more likely to cause accidents. Not at all. Professional knives have a more balanced feel in your hand and will STAY in your hand because of it. A sharp blade will only slip and cut you if you're not careful, but a sharp knife will make a clean cut that will heal properly. A dull or jagged edge will tear into your skin and muscle and nerves, and you will be left with a very nasty scar, not to mention some irreparable damage to your nerves if it cuts as deep as your bone. I've seen it, and it isn't pretty.

So, my advice as a semi-professional chef; invest in a very good set of knives. Take the time to learn how to use them properly. Take a class at a local culinary supply store like Sur la Table or ask someone who knows to show you. Practice, practice, practice! Take your time and be careful! I've been cutting like a pro with my babies for years, but I still don't whiz through my mise en place. I'm not Speedy Gonazalez at the cutting board. I am very careful. And- I have NOT been to the ER for stitches EVER! If you're not competing on Iron Chef, you don't need to race through your cuts. Set it up right, make precision cuts, and develop a good rhythm. Speed will come naturally after that. 

Again, it's a huge splurge during a time when I'm trying to save money. Do I have other knives? Yes, but I often feel that in order to keep passionate about your craft, you need to constantly be learning. Once I master the feel of this knife, my knowledge and skills will only get better over all.  

I can't wait to welcome her to the fold!

Out of Order

This bitch is broken. I'm sitting at Day Job, waiting for my ride home. My back is shot again. =(

I've been up since Friday night, baking and cooking. I've had a total of about 3 hours of sleep all weekend, and my mind is mush.. Then, I took a shower and went to work bright and early this morning. I couldn't find my back brace anywhere, and I've burned through 4 boxes of Thermapatches.

I keep telling myself that this will all pay off.

.......Right?

........One day?

Roll With It or Get Rolled Over

So, lots and lots of happening out there in the world today.

My friend of 15 years was just told today that the President of the small company she works for has decided to retire and the company will be closing in about a month's time. She was crying when she told me as she totaled up the credit card bills she was stuck with after her divorce, the lawyer she's still paying to finalize her divorce, the rent she is still obligated to pay each month, the huge amount of money she still owes her sister, and an insane student loan that is looming near for the classes she has been taking at NYU.

I have no love for this company except that it was my first "city job" in an office where I had to dress in a suit each day. It was my 2nd job EVER, and those fuckers only paid me 20 grand a year when I started. (My first year's bonus was $5,000.) However, I met Cecille (the undercover muff diver) who hooked me up with my first apartment that was all my own in Astoria. She took me all over the place with her girly crew and pretty much introduced me to drinking too much, gambling more than I had, and shopping until my creditors came knocking at my locked door. I met Candy who was my sister from another mister, and we've kept close ever since. I feel for her and a handful of other employees who have been there for over 25 years. Candy has a Bachelors under her belt, a good head on her shoulders, and the kind of personality that will hopefully land her a new job fast. The other people- well, they've been there for almost 30 years, are getting paid dick, and will probably have a terrible time finding something "comfortable" like this at their age in this poor job market.

Me? My contract is solid for another year and probably longer. I've just been given an award for completing some government project awesomely. Yeah, I know, it surprised me as much as it's probably surprising all of you! I got a small raise. My employee and I just kicked ass at our company's team building exercise. And, I must say, I'm so proud of that little feet that I must write about i!t!

Besides the power point boring slide bullshit and some lecture about teamwork, me, my employee C, and the 5 other employees I used to work with across the hall were all give kits and asked to take out the puzzles. It was a simple 24 piece but they had all been opened already which made it obvious that the pieces must be messed up some how. The goal given to us was that all the puzzles had to be completed. The timer started. I finished mine in under a minute, with C finishing about 30 seconds after me. We had someone else's piece and they had ours. We went over to the other people, took our pieces, and gave them theirs. Just because we were done, the exercise wasn't over.We had to make sure everyone finished the fucking puzzle, and as I looked around, it was clear that this bunch was not the puzzle-solving types. C went over to someone and started to help them. The problem was that there are 2 of us capable minds and 5 of them slower minds. I clapped my hands like an obnoxious teacher, told them all to stop and to listen to me. Their Task Manager, whom I refer to as the Troll glared at me with the "How dare you!" face, but every single one of them stopped. I told them to turn each piece over so that the top faced up. I told them to sort out all the borders. Then I told them to find the corners, and go from there. Two of the five got it and went to task. C and I ended up hand-holding the other three until the task was complete. When I looked at the HR staff who put this farce together, they were awe-struck. They said it didn't even occur to them that someone give direction to everyone at the same time, thus cutting the hand-holding time down to a minimum. I passed that class and got an award for "Top Honors" or some shit like that. I then told them C and I had an important meeting to attend, and we skipped out on the rest of the presentation. (It was all powerpoint stuff anyway.)

Two awards in the course of one day. Not bad, right?

I bitch PLENTY about the day job because it's boring, it's not where I want to be, and it takes time away from my cake making. However, I have 30% of my customers located at my day job, the paycheck is steady, the benefits are appreciated, and I am in a better place than many other jobless folks out there.

The next time I want to grumble about this job, I need to stop and kick myself in the ass. I'm very lucky to be in the position that I'm in. Instead of looking at it as a detriment to my own business, I need to see it as an asset. Steady funding when I need it, fresh customers conveniently located in one place, and benefits. Damn, you can't forget those benefits. The downtime leaves me a lot of opportunity to work on my own things, as well. So, I'm getting paid to grow my business.

I'm in a lucky position, and I can't forget to remind myself that.

Not Cool

I understand that when people do the things they do, it's often because they think it's helping a certain situation, fixing a problem, or doing someone a favor. I don't really believe that people set out to aggravate people; namely ME.

A casual friend of mine called me half an hour before I was leaving work to ask me to meet her friend because he has a big event this Saturday and he hates the desserts he has pre-ordered months ago. (That should have peaked my suspicion immediately, but I'm gullible.) She said she gave him my website and he was "enchanted" with my work. Well, hell! How could I not fall for that? I think everyone should be enchanted with my work. =P

I was actually supposed to have a girl's date night with my buddy Vanessa who is leaving NY this weekend. She got an awesome gig at a radio station in Buffalo. We had pizza and Max Brenner all lined up for our evening, but her car was towed earlier today, and she had to bail on me as she waited for some cash to be wired to her so that her chariot would be freed. I figured the timing was perfect. I just cancelled my plans, and then this opportunity came up for some potential work. I figured I could start tonight and still have plenty of time to get my other orders done this weekend, AND maybe it would pay enough to bump up my airbrush set to the $100 model!

I headed to a bar on Union Square and found this person immediately. How did I know this was not what I thought it was going to be? This "business meeting" came complete with a bouquet of hyacinths, a little gift bag of Godiva, and a Tanqueray & cranberry cocktail waiting for me. Fuck. I just got duped into a blind date. >=[

Not that I don't appreciate the gesture. I guess my friend thinks my lady bits have gone for far too long without the proper attention. For the record, my lady bits are doing just fine. I know some people look at me and see the reckless, partying, constantly semi-drunk and affection-hungry girl I was three years ago. I can't help the image I may have burned of myself in people's minds. I was going a million miles an hour back in those days, and I eventually crashed. No one has really seen what I look like now that I've been piecing shit back together.

It's not untrue to say that life is a little nicer having someone to end the day with every night, but I've reached this place where it's not necessary. It's kind of like saying that life would be awesome if I had a billion dollars, but I'm not going to drop dead if I never get there. I've survived far worse than the single life. As much as I appreciate my friend's concern, I don't need anyone playing Cupid for me.

I can get over the blind date farce, but I don't like my business being used to bait me. I've been going balls to the wall with how much effort, time, and money I've been concentrating on my business. It's been paying off and the sacrifices I've made to get it here have all been well worth it. Even with the hands helping me here and there, the bulk of the work has been on me and I've come through- for no one except myself.

I don't see myself as a pathetic sap. I mean, I know I'm a little hard on myself and I set crazy-high goals and go nuts when I fall short, but I know I'm much better off than most people out there. I'm fairly self-sufficient, I've got a pretty level head on my shoulders, I'm generous to a fault, and I work my ass off. At least I didn't spend a ton of money and years in college and come out with a piece of paper and NO marketable skills AT ALL. (I won't name names. It's too easy and it's too bitchy. I'm not that girl.) So, as much as I beat myself up over some of my low-points, the last thing I want is for someone to look at me, feel sorry for me, and then try to "help" me find happiness. Shit, you may as well kick me in the face if you're going to do all that!

I understand that tonight was planned with the best of intentions, but

1. I don't like PINK hyacinths
2. I don't like dark chocolate or nuts in my Godiva.
3. I haven't had Tangeray in over two years.

I felt sorry for this poor dude who was coerced into lying to get me to show up. Don't get me wrong. He was a good looking guy with a great body and a solid job in advertising. He was also super smart and had just the right amount of geek in him to keep the conversation flowing. If it were a different point in my life, he would have had a chance. But, being deceived is not something I have ever been okay with, and it's not going to start today. I was polite, I was kind, but I was firm. Unless he has a cake order or chef duties for me; he need not call me again. I think I may have ended the conversation with something like, "And my time is worth $75 an hour!"

He didn't answer me right away. With a straight face he finally said, "You look great for a 32 year old! I think you can charge a lot more than that!"

So, the evening ended with a laugh and no hard feelings. Holy fuck! My friend lies to me, dangles a potential order in front of me, and then tricks me into a date I was not expecting. And I STILL feel obliged to be polite and kind. Someone put me out of my pathetic-ness. =( Or at least reach into my head and short-circuit the etiquette chip that always seems to be going off at all the wrong moments.

Bottom line: don't fuck around with my business. It's my baby; not a tool to use to bait me. Right now, thing are going fantastically for Queenie Cakes. Chef Queenie can put everything else on the back burner if it means the goal is getting closer everyday. Some people just can't have everything. I'm okay if I can have this one thing. I don't think it's much to ask for.

Necessary Expenses

I thought I would stop with the $70 label expense, but it seems that with business going so strong these next couple of months, I feel like I need to take the profit and reinvest in some decent equipment.

Besides a ton of boxes, cupcake liners, and pans that I will need to buy regardless of whether or not it's in the budget, there's one big-ticket item that I've had my eye on for a while.

It's an airbrush set. I've stayed away from that route because I don't know how good I would be wielding an airbrush at my cakes. I don't know how much artistic skill is really needed to make it a useful tool. I've seen some horrendous airbrushed cakes on Cake Wrecks. It's enough to scare me away from that type of cake decorating.

Working with more fondant orders, I've noticed that when I color the fondant before kneading and rolling and covering the cake, I tend to have lots of leftover colored fondant. That would be all well and good if I used the scraps right away. If I don't need to, the fondant loses it's initial texture, and it dries out. Even if I softened it up again with some glycerin, the texture is never the same and it tends to crack if you try to cover anything with it. This results in a lot of wasted fondant, and fondant is not exactly cheap.

I've decided to try and start making my own marshmallow fondant to use when I sculpt figures or flowers. It will cut my fondant costs since marshmallows, sugar, and Crisco is fairly affordable. When I buy these things in bulk the savings only add up. It will also be more cost effective if I have a little bit that gets wasted. It doesn't hurt the wallet as much.

My hands and wrists are starting to feel the early onset of some arthritis. My mom started having these pains when she was in her early 20's so I guess I should count myself lucky that I've gone 32 years without much creakiness. The Tiffany Box cake and Spiderman cake did a number on my bones that weekend, and I could barely move my hands when it was all said and done. Given the fact that it was a rainy weekend, the dampness in the air only worsened things for me.

I think forcing myself to start making my own fondant will help keep my wrists and hands in constant motion and exercise those joints so they don't stiffen up on me. It will probably hurt like a bitch at first, but no pain, no gain- as they like to say.

Covering a cake in white fondant and then going over the whole thing with an airbrush will save money on wasted colored fondant. It only takes a couple of drops of color mixed with a touch of alcohol to achieve nice coverage on an entire cake. So, in the long run, it will also save me money on gel coloring. I tend to use up a lot of that when I color fondant, too.

My cupcake stand bit the dust during my friend Vanessa's wedding. One of the pillars broke and I have not been able to find a replacement part anywhere online. I was going to just eat it and buy a whole new stand, but my stand is no longer being sold anywhere. I tried to track down the dude on eBay that I bought it from three years ago, but that fucker doesn't have an eBay account anymore.  Luckily, my mom found out Wilton is now selling a similar stand for about $100. I paid a little over $60 for mine. With my trusty coupons at AC Moore or Michael's, I'll end up paying about the same for the new one. I'll be more careful who I allow to handle it this time around. Who knew those things were so damn fragile?

I have two huge parties coming up within the week. Once I buy the boxes and staples, I'm going to take a chance and order me one of these:

I adjusted the picture size so I have no clue how it's going to look once I post this, but this seems to be a nice starter kit for a beginner like me. There are moderate priced sets starting at $100 and a pro set that retails for $350. This little baby is only about $70 before shipping and tax. I usually try to stay away from the super  cheap and tend to buy the pricier models, thinking they often work the best. I learned however, that a brand name doesn't always deliver.

KitchenAid Ultra Power 5-Speed Hand Mixer

(CRAP!! DO NOT BUY!!)

One Christmas my mother and Joel both bought me a KitchenAid hand mixer. I asked for one because when I make small batches of frosting, it was easier to clean a hand mixer and a mixing bowl rather than all the parts of my stand mixers. They both paid about $50 for it. My mom ended up returning the one she bought because Joel lost his receipt. Anyway, it did the job, but the horsepower just wasn't there. If I used it on harder batters like a butter cream, I could hear the motor struggling and the mixer getting hot in my hand. I was in Odd Lot not too long after that, and saw a Black and Decker hand mixer selling for $10. It not only came with the beater attachment, but also the thin whisk attachment which I had originally wanted from the KitchenAid mixer (which didn't come with it) for whipping heavy cream, egg whites, and lighter ingredients. Not only is the power on that cheap little mixer staggeringly strong, but I've dropped it, I've gotten it wet, and it's been banged up quite a bit and that little sucker still works!! I love it, and I thought I had broken it once, but it still kept on going! I rarely use the KitchenAid hand mixer at all. If I must, I do so, but very reluctantly. It's so weak, I can't imagine it would be good for mixing anything that well at all.

So, with this in mind, I'm going to give this little $70 model a chance. I'm still learning. I don't use a whole lot of airbrushing on my cakes anyway. (They sell spray cans with edible color.) And with very little extra income in my wallet right now, it's the smarter choice to be frugal with these purchases. If I find it a tool that I use constantly, like my large KitchenAid stand mixers, I'll eventually spring for a pricier model with a stronger compressor.

This isn't helping my Get the F Outta Dodge Fund, but it will help me make my business more profitable and efficient. Isn't that how real business people think?